For my future sons

I will admit that I have strong opinions. If I believe something it is difficult to change my mind. I believe what I believe but I'll listen and try to understand your point of view. I also try to be sensible, try not to talk too quickly and to be careful about what I say. I truly believe that your words are strong. That apologies are useless. You meant what you said or you wouldn't have said it. I believe in forgiveness, sure, but be careful about what leaves your mouth. I try but I can admit that I'm not always successful.

Due to this, I was hesitant to discuss Trayvon Martin on my blog. It has been such a deep discussion and it makes many people uncomfortable, angry and hurt. But you know that nagging feeling that won't leave and you know that something needs to be said. That there is something that you keep thinking about and would like to discuss but you're avoiding it because you want to be .... safe. Well, that's how I've been feeling.

Before I get started let me say that I don't think every white person is prejudice. Just like I know that there are black people who are prejudice. But it seems that as soon as you say that someone was profiled based on the color of their skin people scream, "blah, blah, blah you think everyone is racist".

I don't. I wasn't raised that way. And I don't live my life that way. I just believe/know that certain races (let's take black boys/men for example) are profiled as dangerous thugs. You see them coming you better run, if they are walking in your direction you should cross the street, if they are walking pass your car you need to lock it. Your life depends on it. Our society sees black men as dangerous thugs. You know it, I know it. And if you don't know it you're most likely in denial or live in an area where you have not been exposed to it. Either by choice or by chance.

I don't know about you but I've never met a thug with just skittles and ice tea on his person.

I sat down many times a night and I know I'm not a mother, but I would like to be one in the future. And I thought about the fact that one day I could possibly be a mother to a son. A black son. And it hurts my heart that one day my son could be walking down the street, minding his own business, doing no harm to anyone, be profiled and killed. Taken from me in a second for no reason at all.

I keep saying in my mind if Zimmerman had just stayed in his car. He was not in any immediate danger. I mean, he did have a licensed gun on his body. As soon as he felt threatened while he sat in his car he could have easily defended himself. I truly believe that he would have been fine and so would have Trayvon if he had just waited for law enforcement to do their job. Yes, I understand he was on neighborhood watch as too many people have pointed out to me. That's right, watch. Not neighborhood follow. He did not have any business to get out of his car and follow Trayvon. But he did and a son has been taken from a grieving mother and father.

What really got me during this trial is the many times I heard people who believed that Zimmerman was innocent say, "Zimmerman was defending himself." I didn't hear about how wrong it was for Zimmerman to follow Trayvon and cause the trouble himself. He made it that he had to "defend" himself. When was seeking out trouble defending yourself? I believe there should be a clause to the self-defense claim called Trayvon, that when you seek trouble and things turn deadly you cannot claim self-defense.

I can guarantee that if Zimmerman did not have a gun on his person he never would have followed Trayvon. He felt like a big guy because of it. He knew that if anything went wrong he could “defend” himself. So I’m creating a scenario for you. You’re walking home at night and it dawns on you that someone is following you. Everyone has different reactions. I probably would start walking faster and then start running but not before I make sure that my sharpest key is pointing straight and one fist is balled up. Sean says he would confront the person following him (I didn't like this one bit, fyi). Whatever you choose to do don't forgot that it is late at night. Anyone following you at that time is surely up to no good, right? So was it wrong for Trayvon to believe that the person following him, late at night had ill intentions? No. It’s a human reaction.

I think that this case opens the doors for many sick individuals to target black boys/men, begin to follow them while armed and then claim self-defense. Yes, it does. We all know there are some sick people in the world we live in.

I've also thought, what if it were the other way around? If Trayvon was Zimmerman's race and Zimmerman was Trayvon's race. I know, I know. A lot of people hate this argument. But I'm going to say it anyway. I think that Trayvon would have been hailed a hero for trying to fight off his black thug stalker.

Or let's say that somehow Trayvon killed Zimmerman when he realized he was being followed. I highly doubt that it would have taken 40+ days to arrest Trayvon. I highly doubt that Trayvon would have slept that night in the comfort of his home after taking a life. I highly doubt that Trayvon would not have been taken to the precint just by claiming self-defense.

A lot of people are saying; WHY does race have to be brought in? It has NOTHING to do with race. The problem is that it has EVERYTHING to do with race. Trayvon was profiled by the way he looked. That is what caused the problem in the first place. Zimmerman said, "those a$$holes always get away". We all know the a$$holes he's referring to. And just so we're all clear, I don't like being called an a$$hole for no reason. He was going to make sure that it didn’t happen this time.

One of my blog friends made a point that I have to share. She said, that just because we can all share water fountains, just because we don't have to sit at the back of the bus, just because we have a black president doesn't mean that race is not a big issue in America. Have you ever read YouTube comments? I rest my case. And if you haven't, please do me a favor and read them. You'll be surprised. Those comments are made by individuals living in America who are pretending that they do not have race issues but behind closed doors, behind their computers they spit their hate into the universe, they judge and determine how they will treat a person based on the color of their skin and we have no choice but to deal with it.

The thing is that as much as I claim this to be true it will be hard for everyone to accept. It is hard to accept when you’ve never been profiled. It is hard to accept when you’ve never been followed around in a store to ensure you wouldn’t steal anything just because you're black. How do you know you're being followed because you're black? When you're living in your college town which is predomninately white, and you are with your white friends and they are not being followed, just you. When even they point it out to you.

It is hard to accept when you’ve never been called the N word by a white person as though you're the scum between their toes. It is hard to accept when society hasn’t placed a horrible stigma regarding your race. You can’t and will never understand unless you are black. Yes, that’s a brash statement but I’ll never understand how it is to be non-black. But I can tell you how it is to be black in America. Why? Because I'm a black woman living in America.

My issue is when people try to throw away valid concerns from people outside of their race and deem it not valid. How can you tell someone who has gone through profiling their whole life that this case was not about race? How can you tell someone that it was not about race when you’ve never had to worry about race a day in your life?

I will admit that I must behave a certain way just because I'm black. I can't go out and act any such way because I'm not only speaking for Faith but speaking for my entire race. I can't allow my behavior to affect another black person. Can you imagine living that way? That if I act all crazy, the person who experienced my crazy will now expect that crazy from the next black person and feel that they are entitled to feel the way they do. I mean, that one black person treated them horribly. So they all must be bad just like society says. But if I treat every person I encounter with love, consideration and kindness then I am sharing another side of blacks that society has failed on numerous occasions to share.

Until you attempt to understand, or try to put yourself in someone else’s shoe who is telling you about their experience, do us all a favor and keep ignorant comments to your own self. No one needs to hear it. I mean, I don't want to hear it.

I'm going to backtrack a bit. During the Michael Vick trial I was mad as all hells. I mean, these innocent animals were killed. I wanted justice for those animals. People screamed it from the roofs. And those dogs got justice. It is hard not to think that a young black boy's life is not more important than an animal. That's hard to think about. A human life was taken.

The thing is that this isn't the first time and sadly it won't be the last. But I can speak out, stand up and fight for sons taken too soon. Isn't that my duty? To say, you know what, enough is enough. To say we are not going to allow you to get away with your shit any longer. To say, you've taken ENOUGH! To say that I'm not going to allow you to act like you know anything about me based solely on the fact that I am black.

I'm speaking out for my nephews, I'm standing up for my future sons, in hopes that they will never have to experience how it feels to be judged based on the color of their skin. To be killed because they look like they are up to no good. To be shot dead and no one in law enforcement give a damn.

I can't say without reasonable doubt that Zimmerman was not defending himself, after Trayvon attempted to defend himself from being followed by a grown adult at night. But I can say without reasonable doubt that the dispatcher advised Zimmerman to stay put. I can say without reasonable doubt that Trayvon was profiled, stalked and then killed due to the color of his skin. There was no winning for Trayvon that night. He was not going to change what Zimmerman thought about people that looked like him. He was doomed because the color of his skin meant that he was up to no good in Zimmerman's mind. You may not agree. Sometimes you can't agree when you haven't seen this type of prejudice in your own life.

I pray you never have to.

*** This will be the only time I will delete a comment if I find it disrespectful to Trayvon Martin and his family. I welcome only sound comments or opinions. You can disagree with me, I welcome open discussions, but make damn sure that it is written in a respectable manner ***