Craving sanity

I haven’t wanted to blog the last week and I know you all know why. My mind has been bogged down with all the information we are learning minute by minute. I don’t think I’ve ever seen information be updated as quickly as it has. It’s like each minute there’s a new positive, a new death … and it is just all so much. Sanity is completely all I’m craving at this moment.

The news has been on constantly and I realized how it was affecting my mood, my skin, my outlook … basically everything. I’ve never been so on edge. Wash your hands, wash your hands … the water so hot that I am literally burning my hands. I’m working from home and I’m still washing my hands and using sanitizer like an unhinged person. Thank God that I have a job that affords me to work from home because I know so many that do not have that luxury. Sean does not have that luxury and I am praying over his life so much harder these days. Reminding him to use the sanitizers I luckily had on hand because hygiene has always been a priority. Telling him to keep his distance but I know it’s difficult for the work he does. I’ve given him so much information that he has had a lot of things I’ve mentioned implemented at his work which gives me a sense of relief. But I’m not sure if relief is the word I’m looking for because relief is the last word I’ve been feeling.

Over the weekend, I had to turn off the news. I could not take it another minute. And guys, what a difference in my attitude. I felt so much better, the tightness in my chest gone. I know how important it is to stay in the know but even I know that all the information will be there when I return.

We did things around the house, finally filed all our rental paperwork that we’ve been putting off for YEARS, Sean grilled steak for dinner and it was so, so good. We binged ‘On the Block’ on Netflix, a show we both enjoy and took the dogs for long walks as we were blessed with sunny days. You don’t realize how much you crave the company of people until you must social distance. We were supposed to visit Colleen last weekend and of course we had to cancel … and it sucked because Colleen and I have been talking about this visit for months. But I’m reassuring myself that this too shall pass … and that soon enough I’m going to be craving these quiet weekends at home.

I’m not taking this time to do ALL the things. I’m just trying to do things that I have put off or procrastinated on because of things I felt had more priority. Granted, my weeks are the same, nothing has changed there. It’s my weekends that have. So, with the free time on the weekends I’m slowing down, cooking more (I know, how is that possible?) enjoying the fresh air when we walk the dogs, talking to my family and taking it day to day.

So this blog will be different during this time. I’ll pop up when I feel the need to write and pop out just as quickly. I just want you all to take care of yourselves during this time. This isn’t an easy time for anyone. I’ve always stressed the importance of enjoying the little things … and wow, is now that time more than ever. There is a silver lining in all of this … we now see how much we need each other to survive, to thrive and to live. Be kinder than you’ve ever had to be, be generous if you have the means, and be loving as for the one time in our lives, we really are in this together. We need each other now more than ever. I’m praying for all of us while remembering that this too shall pass; if there is one thing I’m certain of it is that. I love you all. Take care.

Currently

feeling like I'm ready for Friday to get here.

disappointed that the 5K Sean and I were doing this Saturday was cancelled. I know it's better safe than sorry (COVID-19) but I was really looking forward to it.

craving nothing at the moment which is shocking as I feel like I'm always craving something.

needing to start spring cleaning.

thankful to have seen my family last weekend. It wasn't an easy visit either as it was our first time going through our mom's things since she passed away. A lot of memories were re-visited which made us equally sad and happy. We are not yet done (my mom had a lot of stuff!) but I think we are halfway there.

watching 'Love is Blind' but I'm not bingeing like I usually do. I'm watching one episode every other day or so. It's interesting but I'm not sure how much "Love is Blind" when you have only conventionally attractive people on the show.

listening to Lizzo ... pretty obsessed.

loving my fur-babies. Is it weird to think that your fur-babies are your best friends?

missing my mom, every single day.

wearing a blue cardigan over a blue and white striped maxi dress.

making orecchiette pasta with chicken sausage and broccoli and spicy mushroom rice on Sunday for our meals for next week.

wondering if my company would soon allow the option for us to work from home or if they'll close down. My sister lives in New Canaan and the schools have been closed for two weeks.

looking forward to COVID-19 being figured out.

Happy Thursday! Praying that we all stay safe and healthy during a time of uncertainty ♥

Tuesday morning random ramblings

Ahhh, tell me that you are seeing signs of Spring where you are. I sure am! Some are in the form of sneezing and the popping of Claritin pills and other signs are the fact that we have multiple days in the high 50s and low 60s ranges the entire week.

Daylight savings is this week (eek!) and I am so looking forward to longer days and nights.

I was surprised last week with a promotion at work. Next month will actually mark six years with my company and I’m grateful that I love it just as much (if not more) than when I was first hired. Sean and I are planning to wait until next month to celebrate that way we can possibly enjoy a rooftop dinner at Zest; which is where we went to celebrate Sean’s promotion last year.

If you followed my Instagram stories over the weekend you would have seen the building that Sean and I purchased. Deep breath. It’s a hot mess right now but I can see the vision which is all Sean wanted from me. We aren’t going to start any work for several months but there is a lot of work behind the scenes that we need to get on immediately. Hiring out the work, figuring out how long this renovation will take, and how much it is going to cost us to renovate nine apartments that basically don’t exist right now. This is definitely something we haven’t done before but we are optimistic and I’m looking forward to seeing all the changes that will eventually take place. Deep breath.

I know I said that I was going to dial back on Netflix but I enjoyed the movie ‘The Hundred Foot Journey’ and the show ‘I’m Not OK With This’ so I figured I could recommend both here in case you’re looking for a few things to watch before winter is officially over. Let’s just say that 'I’m Not OK With This' did not end at all as I expected. I also started 'Love is Blind' on Netflix with Sean's mom last weekend. I'm only on the second episode but um, what?! Mind blown all over the place.

Oh yes, we are getting an inground pool! Say it ain't so. Sean has been begging for a pool since we bought our house in 2014; and each time I’ve said absolutely freaking not. Well, this year Sean wasn’t taking no for an answer and listed all the pros (trust me, I already know all the cons, ha) that come with having a pool. Sean knows that I'm a big picture kinda person so he used that to his advantage, finally. The one pro that finally changed my mind was his insistence that now more of our friends and family will visit us which equates to less weekends spent on the road. He didn’t need to tell me twice. We should have the pool a few weeks before Memorial Day weekend and I cannot wait to have a true oasis at home. I'm already thinking of all the summer BBQs we will host!

What I’m looking forward to:

Longer days and nights
Seeing nature slowly coming back to life
Al fresco dining
Less clothing layers
Decorating the backyard once our pool is installed

What are you looking forward to in the coming months?
Happy Tuesday! ♥

A me day

When we first moved to Pennsylvania I was unemployed and had no friends or family in the area. Sean was working so I was left to my devices which included a lot of walks with Izabella (we did not have Walker at that time). I remember that I use to do a lot of exploring by myself. I’d drive downtown to see whatever was going on and my camera was my trusty friend. It helped me feel less alone and that I had a reason to be somewhere. Almost a security blanket.

Fast forward to when Sean told me that he’d be at a real estate conference on this particular weekend; I recall wracking my brain trying to figure out what I’d do. I decided that I’d make it a day just for me to do the things I enjoy.

I started with making myself a breakfast sandwich, had coffee in a new festive mug (new mugs always make me happy!) and then went to the gym. When I got home I got ready to head to the farmers market to pick up some produce and some flowers. Of course I brought my camera along. After the farmers market (where I found my most favorite flower the gomphrena) I stopped at one of my favorite restaurants, 3rd and Ferry, to get lunch and then walked around before heading back home.

When I got home, I let the dogs out and contemplated whether I should take them for a walk but decided against it because it’s not easy to walk two big dogs on my own. Instead I gave them their favorite treats and told them that they’ll get a walk the following day when Sean got home. I then arranged the flowers I got at the farmer's market in a vase and proceeded to stare in awe about how beautiful they were. Yes, I'm not embarrassed to admit that I'm now obsessed and I just loved, loved seeing them on our dining table. The farmer was right and they did dry beautifully. I actually removed them the day before Thanksgiving which means they lasted from Oct 19th until Nov 27th. This won't be the last time these flowers make their way into our home.

That day I wondered if I should get a head start on meal prepping that way I could be free all of Sunday but decided against it. Instead, I watched a couple of my favorite movies and then started a new show on Netflix, "Living with Yourself". It was interesting and I'm curious to see how they are going to make this show work. I admit that I did feel a little guilt that I still hadn’t completed the book on my nightstand but decided that I’d get to it when I get to it.

The day was nothing grand. It was for the most part a rather simple day but I got to do it for me and it felt really good. I made a mental note to do more days just like this, as I'm learning that I am and should be, my favorite company.

Currently

feeling excited that Sean and I are hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year. I’m mostly excited that I don’t have to travel with a large turkey on my lap this year, ha!

craving my sister’s jollof and mac and cheese. Thankfully I get it in a few days!

needing to pick up flowers after work today.

thankful for my family. I don't know what I would do without them.



watching Atypical on Netflix. Cinthia recommended it to me and I don’t know what took me so long. It is so good!

listening to 90s grunge the last few days. I tend to get in different music moods each week. This week and last it's 90s grunge.

loving that the holidays are here!

missing my mom, every single day.

wearing a cream poncho, black pants and black shoes.



making the turkey on Thursday! I always try to push this task off to someone else each year and it never works. I think it is time to come to terms with the fact that I'll always be the sucker, ha.

realizing that I get to start decorating for Christmas this week. Crazy!

looking forward to the coming weeks. So many good things happening and it makes me happy to end this year on a high note.



Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope that you are spending it with the people you love. Also, sending an extra prayer to anyone who is grieving. It isn't easy when someone special is missing, especially during the holidays, but I hope that you are comforted and surrounded by those you love and with the ones that love you ♥

In an October state of mind

Ahh, how I love thee October. The best month there is. I may be bias since it’s my birth month and all but I have a feeling that I would still love it like I do, even if I wasn’t born in October. The reason why I say that is because of all the people that also claim that October is their favorite month even though they were not born in October but I digress ...

This is just going to be a rambling post so I figured these pictures could be useful ;). I am liking the direction I am taking this blog lately. I just want it to be the way I first intended this blog to be; fun and easy going. No stress and to be used to document moments in life.

Life has been really good lately. Of course there have been moments of sadness and misery sprinkled in but overall it has been really good. I’ve actually been waiting for something to happen because it just feels like it can’t be this good right now. But I’m crossing fingers and toes because Lord knows I can’t handle sadness right now. I mean, I can handle it, I just really, really don’t want to.

We just had our last 90 degree day a few days ago and I’m not missing it. Right now we are in the low 70s and high 60s which basically means perfect weather. I just love this time of year.

The front porch is decorated for fall and so is the inside of our house. I’ll be sure to share some pictures when I get around to taking some pictures. It’s nothing Pinteresty but I still love it all the same.

I’ve been lighting all the candles lately as soon as I get home from work. I just love the scents of pumpkin and spice. I even want to bake some things just to really get in the spirit but I’m no baker and I don’t like pumpkin. They say that the taste buds change every 7 years so I'm just waiting for my taste buds to make their shift.

I’ve been trying to refrain from shopping lately because I know I have more than enough but those emails just keep trying to get me to buy things. I’ve just been deleting the emails without even looking at them lately and I praise my self restraint. I haven’t yet switched out my closet to fall/winter attire but I’ll try to get to it shortly. I definitely want to go through my closet to donate and get rid of things that I’m not wearing so I’ll try to do that when I’m switching out my closet as well. I intend to use Marie Kondo's method and ask myself if an item brings me joy and if it doesn't, away with it! I’m kinda looking forward to seeing all my sweaters, boots and scarves again.

Oh yeah, Sean and I are handing out candy for Halloween for the first time ever this year! I know, I know. Such grumps! We started buying candy on our grocery shopping trip two weeks ago and intend to buy candy every week leading up to Halloween. We're pretty excited about it, haha. We have some fun wigs stored somewhere so we'll just pull them out to get in the spirit. Crossing all my fingers and toes that we get a lot of trick-or-treaters that way we are not eating candy everyday for the rest of our lives.

What else to discuss? Hmmm ... how are you all doing? How is life treating you? Have you decorated for fall? Do you intend to decorate for fall? Tell me something, anything.

I hope you all are well and had great weekends! Happy Tuesday! ♥

Currently

feeling extremely proud of Sean and his promotion at Amazon! Sean is truly a hard worker and seeing all his hard work pay off is so motivating and inspiring.

Below are a few pictures from his celebratory dinner last Friday night at Zest. Side note, our food was incredible.













Is it OK to have two "feeling" in this post? Yes? OK cool.

feeling excited for the change in season because as much as I complain about shorter days and darker mornings, fall is for sure my favorite season!

craving apple cider donuts. Strangely, I'm not a fan of donuts at all ... but for some reason, I just love apple cider donuts!

needing to read some of the books I purchased earlier this year. I've really, really slacked and unfortunately don't think I'll be putting a big dent before the year is over either.

thankful for my family. I don't know what I would do without them.

wanting to head to the farmer's market soon. I need to get some good and rather large zucchini that way I can bake some zucchini bread soon!

watching the newest season of Blacklist on Netflix. I always forget how much I enjoy this show until a new season is released on Netflix.

listening to a lot of Lizzo and Post Malone right now. They both have been on blast at my house while I complete chores. Music helps me keep on top of my chores during the week because I love being chore free on the weekend. Today's chore is our main bathroom, water the mums and a load of laundry.

loving that Sean made us pick up pumpkins and mums to decorate our front porch because each time I leave or enter our house a big smile is on my face.

missing my mom, every single day.

wearing nothing special.

making or should I say I'll be making crockpot salsa chicken over jasmine rice and mushroom & garlic spaghetti for next week's meals on Sunday.

realizing that our fall décor is no longer my style.  I think that at the end of the season I'm going to pick up a few new things while items are on sale/clearance.

looking for work shoes for the winter. I've been looking for a while now but haven't found anything that I really like. I'm going to have to just get on it as the ones I have right now are in awful shape and my pride won't let me rock them any longer.

thinking about how my birthday is right around the corner. Crazy how quickly the year goes. There's so much I want to accomplish but the way time is moving ... well, you know. 

Happy Thursday! I hope you're all having a wonderful week.

The Joy of Missing Out

The days of me wanting to be out and about is quickly dwindling down. I remember when I wanted to be doing something every single weekend and I could not fathom just sitting around at home. I really enjoyed road trips and visiting all our friends and families whenever possible.

Now when I look at our calendar I get a bit annoyed when I see that we have to be away from home. Granted, a lot of that comes from living in another state from our friends and families; and while I really love seeing friends and family … I am at this stage where I also really love being at home.

We’ve been in our home for almost five years now and there are still things to be done and to be honest, I’d really like to spend our weekends doing things around our house.

I’m trying to get more people to visit us versus us always doing the traveling. I also understand that most of the people we visit have small kiddos which makes road trips a little less ideal … but I’m going to be throwing that option out a lot more now.

We’ve also become very insistent of having at least 1-2 weekends at home. I love the town we live in and I want to be able to do things here. I enjoy my farmer market mornings when the weather is nicer, I enjoy date nights at our favorite restaurants, I enjoy taking our dogs on long walks and I enjoy waking up leisurely on Saturday mornings and making breakfast together at home. I just don’t really want to be on the road every weekend.

Of course, this doesn’t make for very exciting blog or Instagram posts but I don’t even mind that anymore. I’m becoming less and less interested in social media. Just give me a good book and my shows on Netflix and I’m good to go. Do you find yourself feeling the same way as you’ve gotten older? It's actually pretty great to me that I no longer suffer from the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

Priorities: Our Home

Growing up, I lived in a small two bedroom apartment in the Bronx with my three sisters, mom and dad. Yes, you read that right. There were six of us and let's just say that privacy was not a part of our lives growing up. We could have definitely done with a little more space but we lived just fine without it.

I would say that it gave me quite a bit of perspective because when I went off to college and my roommate was complaining about the size of our dorm room, all I could think was, wow … this entire right side of the room is all mine?! I can do with it as I please?! I was not one of my peers that complained about the size of our dorm room.

This "being OK with small living" trickled down to when we purchased our first home. For Sean, size meant that you had made it. For me, size meant absolutely nothing. There were just two of us (no animals at the time) so we did not need size. It took a while to convince Sean but soon he saw things my way ... you know the whole happy wife, happy life ;).

Our first house was small, yes, but it was warm, cozy and welcoming. It was a home filled with lots of laughs, love and happiness. We welcomed friends and family into our tiny abode but I always felt that we had plenty of room.

When we had to leave our first home I felt a ridiculous amount of sadness. So many good memories were made there but I knew that wherever we went we would make it home.

When we were looking for our second home, I once again did not want an excessive amount of space. Sean was harder to convince this time around but in the end we reached a happy medium. At that time the argument was that we wanted kids so we would need a little more space. I agreed that was a good reason but I still didn’t want it to be extreme considering how I grew up. Yes, space is great and all but wasted space is not.

And considering our circumstances now, I’m glad we went the route we did. Even now, I feel like we may have a little too much space and our house is not big by any means. I’ve always wanted my home to be warm, inviting, colorful and full of personality. I’ve never been one to need all the new, big and shiny things. And lately, I’ve begun to see just how rare that is. Not to say that people who want big, lavish, updated homes are wrong but nowadays it is so easy to see what everyone is doing and what everyone has. So easy to want to keep up and portray an extravagant lifestyle even if it means spending money you do not have. I sometimes scratch my head and wonder how people could need so much space. Is it really necessary? And now thinking about our carbon footprint it makes me wonder even more but that’s a post for another day.

Our priorities should never be about keeping up with the Joneses or what it feels like lately, showing off. I don’t think that I’ve ever scrolled through Instagram and seen people proudly share their "outdated" kitchens because somehow we’ve made it that, that is not good enough. If someone is sharing their outdated kitchen it's because there's going to be a renovated after to reveal very soon. Somehow we've made it that self-worth is the amount of likes you can get from a picture and well that linoleum floor isn't getting it. Our priorities should be making sure that our homes feed our spirits. Should be places that at the end of the day you feel happiness to be able to curl up on your couch and drink a glass of your favorite beverage. Should be a place that you feel safe and warm.

It has become way too easy to compare our lives with strangers on the internet. So easy to actually believe that you have not made it because your kitchen is not massive, with an intense amount of natural light, white cabinets and marble countertops. The thing is that when we die, those things do not go with us.

Instead think about what home really means. It is the place that you can escape to from the outside world. So make it a place full of all the good you want in your life. Happiness, laughter, love, peace and warmth. The memories you make in your home is what outlast it all. Just think, in the 60s and 70s wood paneling was in and now not so much ... but I bet that the memories made in that wood paneled home still remain.

Currently

feeling excited that Sean and I are heading to South Beach on Thursday with Colleen and her husband (Eric) to celebrate them turning 40. Sean recently turned 40 and Eric will be turning 40 in a few weeks so we’re celebrating together. South Beach is also special to me and Sean because it is the first place we ever traveled together :)

craving a frozen beverage … I can’t wait for all the Miami vices and piña coladas in my near future.

needing to start packing tonight!

thankful that spring is right around the corner … even though my allergies are a pain in the spring, I am so ready to welcome warmer weather!

wanting to talk to my mom.

loving my sisters … I really don’t know what I would do without them.

missing my mom … always and forever.

wearing a black dress with a grey and black poncho

looking for new work shoes. The ones I wear on the regular need to be retired very soon.

thinking about how ‘The Handsmaid’s Tale’ could actually happen in real life. I just finished watching it recently and had so many wtf moments. I can’t wait to see how season 3 plays out. If you have no idea what I’m talking about you can check it out on Hulu.

hoping that you all had a wonderful weekend and that you have a wonderful week! ♥

Priorities: Being Kinder to Myself

It is human nature to be our worst critics but I think because we believe it is part of our nature we’ve accepted that it is OK to not be kind to ourselves. At least, I had. It was just last year that I began to truly be kinder to myself. 2016 and most of 2017 were the worst years for my self esteem and after a full year of just beating myself up, I decided that 2018 was the year that I would not allow me to break me down.

It isn’t easy to change bad habits but there were a few things that I decided that I would change to make it easier to speak truth and good to myself. Because the thing is that the way you speak to yourself matters.

You won’t automatically become kind to yourself in a day so for every bad thought I would think about myself, I had to tell myself (out loud) two good things about myself. Saying things out loud made things real to me. And with me telling myself two good things, I felt like the bad thing was essentially crossed off. It was almost like getting two things for the price of one. And soon enough, (although not really soon enough) the good was overshadowing the bad.

I began to ask myself, would I talk to my sisters or my girlfriends this way? The answer was always no. I always talk to my sisters and girlfriends with kindness even when I’m being brutally honest about something. So, why was it so hard to do the same with myself? Every time a negative thought would creep in I would ask myself, would you say this to a friend? And if you did, how would that make them feel? How is this making you feel?

The next thing I started doing was asking myself, why am I thinking this? Is there any truth to what I’m telling myself? A lot of the times the answer was actually no.

I use to stare at myself in the mirror and critique everything I thought was wrong with myself. And I find that this was the hardest to do but then I had to start telling myself everything I thought was right with myself. And in the end, it was never a vanity thing. In fact it would be something like, your eyes are just fine because you can see all the beauty in the world. Your belly is just fine, you get to enjoy all your favorite foods. Your arms are just fine, you get to hug all your niece and nephews. Your legs are just fine, you get to travel and walk around new places. And basically that’s how I turned a negative game into a positive one. Lately, I find myself admiring myself and it’s such a good feeling. I feel like I walk with more confidence and don’t want to hide anymore. This talking good to myself was actually working. But I had to be consistent. Something that I knew needed fixing and something that I wanted to fix.

There is no easy fix when it comes to loving ourselves. It takes time and consistency to undo bad habits. But when I finally saw the damage that I was doing to myself and that my feelings of anxiousness was because of my thoughts, I knew I had to start somewhere. I’m not sure why it took me a while to realize that I control my thoughts. I was the one who allowed them to seep in whether they were true or not. It was realizing that I could counter the bad thoughts with good thoughts. I’m not 100% there yet ... but I can feel myself getting there and that to me makes a world of difference.

Thursday Thankful List

Ahh, November. The month that reminds everyone to stop and list what it is that they are thankful for. I’ll have to admit that this year really has been the year of non-stop thinking and feeling. With everything going on in our world, especially politically, it has been near impossible for me to shut it all out. It’s in your face whether you want it to be or not. I’ve been so disappointed, hurt, heartbroken and disgusted about so much of it but I am choosing to allow hope and optimism remain a part of who I am.

Because I have so, so much to be thankful for.

First and foremost, I am thankful for God. He truly has been where my peace comes from. He is the reason I can smile even when it sometimes feels like I am nothing, I have nothing and that I’ve accomplished nothing. He always finds a way to speak truth to my soul and lets me know that the voices are lies and that He sees my purpose and knows what my future holds.

I am thankful for Sean, thankful for our 9th year of marriage (Nov 6th y'all!) & thankful that I have someone who knows just how to love me. I don’t think I’ll ever have the right words to explain how thankful I am to him but I truly hope that daily I show it.

I am thankful for my sisters. Boy, do they keep me sane! When I think I’m about to lose it they always have a way of bringing me back to the center. I’m thankful for sisters who always, always keep it real and who are not afraid to let you know when you’ve crossed the line.

I am thankful to my mom for the love she bestowed on me while she was here. The way she taught me about the importance of speaking positivity into our lives. The way she showed me what a true follower of Christ looks like. She is the epitome of all that I hope to be one day and I’m glad that she was the example I was able to see for 32 years of my life.

I am thankful for my dad who has really tried so hard to take on a new role since my mom passed away.

I am thankful for the amount of travel I am able to do each year. I am well aware that not many people are able to do this so I am incredibly grateful for the travel opportunities I’ve been able to have.

I am thankful for friends that keep me laughing and connected. Friends that you can have deep conversations with, share secrets with, with no fear of judgment.

I am thankful for photography as it has allowed me to freeze important and special moments in time.

I am thankful for the daily sunrise and sunset, foliage, snow covered trees and the crashing of the waves on the beach.

I am thankful for a warm bed to lay my head on, a warm house to fill with flowers and a kitchen to prepare food for myself and loved ones.

I am thankful for furbabies that have become true companions. They aren’t humans (OK, I'm not entirely sure about this) but they are extremely special and the way they love you and forgive you so quickly even if you step on their tail by accident. OK, maybe they aren't humans ;). You know the saying, “Be the person your dog thinks you are” … well, I hope that I am the person they think I am.

I am thankful for life, happiness, laughter, corny dad jokes and a big smile.

I am thankful for you! Truly. It has been a year of a lot of questions. One question being whether I should discontinue this blog. Many of you came out to tell me how much you enjoy and appreciate this space of mine and to be honest, I was and still am shocked. A lot of what you shared put plenty into perspective for me and in the end, I decided that even if not a single person read my blog, it would be OK. Being able to document my journey is truly a blessing in itself and I’m thankful that I can jot down memories, thoughts and everything in between. Life is a beautiful mess and it is an honor to be able to share it.

Now tell me. What it is that you’re thankful for?

Tuesday Morning Ramblings about Blogging: Where do I go from here?

Last week, I told Sean that I wanted to stop my blog. I know, I know, who was that? But I was serious. And I was surprised to find Sean talk me out of it. I thought if anyone would be thrilled with this declaration, it would be Sean. But he was not thrilled with it and told me all the reasons why I should not stop even going as far as to give me some ideas on what to blog about. Fortunately, I don't need ideas; I just want to love the blogging community again. Also, this is one of the reasons why I love this guy so much.

I don’t know, I just have begun to feel like I don’t want to blog anymore. I think it is partly me being lazy about writing & uploading pictures. It can take quite some time & for someone who does this for fun, well, that part isn’t really fun. I always know that I’ll regret it if I stop now since I’ve been writing on this space since 2010; so to give it up now just seems wrong. Years of memories have been stored here because I’ve been diligent about keeping this online journal of mine updated as often as possible.

It is also partly because sometimes it can feel like I’m talking to myself. Yes, I know that for the most part I really do blog for myself but I also feel that I’ve continued to blog all this time to connect with others and well, lately, it just seems that people are more interested in a flashy picture with a caption that isn’t even their own on Instagram. I know that just sounded like I drank a gallon of haterade but trust me, it’s not. I enjoy Instagram just like the next person. It is just that the connection we all received through blogging seems to have disappeared and I’m missing it. I’m finding it harder and harder to find blogs that are not for profit and it has begun to make this space a bit lonely if that makes any sense.

For now, I am wondering if it is time to take a step back from the blog and maybe not end it entirely but just visit when I want. To be OK with letting my blog sit for weeks without me feeling the need to write or share on it. But then I ask myself, what’s the point of my blog if I just let it sit dormant? What do I gain from that? And the memories and the thoughts, if I don’t share them here will I be sure to jot it down elsewhere? I’m not entirely sure I will as this blog has surely held me accountable for many years. Additionally, blogging has been such an outlet for me especially when it comes to my love of photographs and photography. I’ve been able to share my journey that include many of the beautiful and difficult moments. The truth is that this blog has helped me through the difficult moments as I was able to share my thoughts and somehow always got to the conclusion that life is still beautiful. But unfortunately I've gotten to this point where I wonder if I want to share anymore. I’m sure there are other ways for me to have a journal that does not involve having a blog.

To be honest, this post disappoints me a bit because I’ve been able to share my thoughts, memories, photography, travels, my life here and I’ve been able to go back and look at these posts. So for me to want to stop is unlike me so I think I just might need some time to navigate what it is I want my blog to do for me. I want to love blogging again. I want to love this community again. But it has become lonely. It isn’t the community it was when I first began blogging. And at this point, if I’m writing to myself … maybe it is time for me to do just that. I guess time will tell. But as I conclude this post I know this isn’t goodbye; I’ll see you soon.

Currently

feeling grateful for another year! I turned 36 last Saturday :) To repeat what Sean said last weekend, "Babe, you're closer to 40 now than you are to 30". Yes, babe. I'm quite aware. Thanks for the reminder.

excited to see one of my college girlfriends this weekend for a girl’s weekend. Our birthdays are two days apart so we’re going to celebrate together in Philadelphia!

craving an apple cider donut. The obsession is real y’all.

needing more hours in a day.

thankful for life and that my favorite season is here!

wanting winter to be mild this year … I know, I know, global warming is real but … well you know.

loving my furbabies. The way their tails wag when I get home from work will always melt my heart.

missing my mom … always and forever.

wearing a black dress with a cream and black cardigan.

looking for a pair of boots that I can’t seem to locate anywhere. Wondering if Sean threw them out on me or if I gave to one of my sisters and forgot about it, ha.

thinking about how "A Star is Born" ended ... man it was intense. Cue all the tears!

hoping that you all have a wonderful week and that life is treating you kindly! ♥

Priorities: Family & Friends

“Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious. Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways. Live every day as if it were going to be your last; for one day you're sure to be right. Don't be fooled by the calendar”.

I believe I’ve always been family and friend oriented. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that growing up I only had my mom, dad and sisters. Unfortunately, I did not grow up with cousins, aunts, grandmas, etc, as they were/are all in Ghana. The thing is that after my mom’s death in 2015 it amped up my desire to be even more family and friend oriented. When you lose someone that is extremely close to you, you realize just how short life really is. Never in a million years did I think that my mom would be gone at 64. I always pictured her growing old and being the cutest old lady ever. I truly saw her reaching 100 years old. Her being gone was not part of the plan and it was then that I really became aware just how quickly anyone I love could be taken.

I use to be so proud to say that I’d rather text vs. talk on the phone. Well, now that I can’t talk to my mom anymore, I crave her phone calls and would do anything to hear her voice again. I realized that right now I can actually speak to my friends and family over the phone, so why am I not doing it? What is my excuse? Why am I not making every opportunity to take a few minutes out of my day to speak to a love one over the phone when I can?! A text is fine, sure, but it will never be as personal as a phone call. After my mom’s death, I decided to make it a priority to set time aside to talk on the phone with friends and family.

I’ve made it a priority to plan more opportunities for us to all be together. Taking it farther than just getting together for birthday parties. Instead intentionally setting time aside to plan random days to spend time together. Even if it means that we have to plan way far in advance. I want us all to remember the smiles, laughs, conversations and even the fights that were not even important. I want to make the type of memories that roll around in my head months, even years after they have occurred.

My mom’s death did that for me. It was once a cliché saying that life is too short. Now it is a daily reminder. A reminder that I want to live each day as my last. I want my family and friends to know just how much I love them and how much they mean to me, right now. I don’t want there to be any guesses about how much I enjoy spending time with them, instead I will show them. Life gets busy, life is busy but I find that you always make time for the things you love … and well, I love my family and friends.