Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Netflix and the Couch.

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I’m not made to not work. So the last few days here have been a little hard because I feel like I'm not doing anything but unpacking. I've ventured out a few times but no where far as I’ll get lost since I have no idea how to get anywhere. Sean is at work and I’m here. On this couch. Watching Netflix. And blogging.

I’ve been working for a long time it feels like. I’ve always loved having my own money. I take pride in spending my own money. In purchasing something that I worked for.

When I was 13, I realized I had a gift of braiding hair. I would get paid to do box braids and cornrows after school and on the weekends. For cornrows I would get $25 a head. Some days I would do 3 heads and at 13 that was a lot of money. When I would do box-braids I would get $50-$75 a head depending on the difficulty in the style. Some weeks I made up to $300. I had a little business at 13 as funny as that sounds. I kept that up until I graduated from high school.

When I was 15, I became a camp counselor (hair stuff still on the side) during the summer and kept that position until I graduated from high school. So I feel like I’ve always had money. I would go shopping and buy myself anything I wanted at 13. My parents would take a certain amount to save for me and I would give 10% and tithe.

When I got to college it was the same. I worked. When all the college students complained about being poor I never did. I had saved a lot of money before going to college so I would always share with my friends because sometimes they just couldn’t do things without money. My parents would put money in my account but to be honest they really didn’t need to. So why I decided to get my first credit card in college is beyond me but that's a story for another day.

On that note, I can’t remember the last time I actually asked anyone for money (besides the bank to buy my house and car of course). And now, well now. I am jobless. I have money saved but Sean wants me not to spend it. So now I’m spending HIS money. Yeah, yeah. I know. We’re married. It’s ours but I’m strange. When I’m working, when I’m contributing then I can say it is our money. Even though he has always made more than I have, I at least felt like I was bringing something to our household. Now I’m not and well, to be honest I freaking hate it.

I’m thinking about just picking up a job as a waitress/hostess/server, anything that way I can get out of this house and make some money to contribute until I find a job that I really want. So I've given my self a timeline to find something I want and if I don't I'm heading back into the hospitality industry for a little while. Because if not, I’m just sitting here feeling useless and pretty sad that the mall does not sound like fun. I should be loving this little break. I mean, in my head, I know I should be loving this. And to think, it hasn't even been two weeks.

I just re-read this post and realized that I’m even odder than I thought. Great. All this time to think is not beneficial at all. I would go to the gym but I already did that. I guess Netflix and the couch is where it's at, for now.

41 comments:

K&R said...

why aren't we neighbors right now?
i seriously struggle with not being a contributor.
growing up i always did volunteer work, so i never got paid, but i was always doing that.
once college arrived i worked, my parents got divorced my dad refused to help me and my mom couldn't. so i worked hard and i haven't stopped working since.
i feel useless now.
i'm avoiding taking just any job because i know that it will make me less happy at the end of the day.
but i just don't know where to go.
i was thinking of working to grow my photography business, but its hard. am i good enough? probably not.
so now im back on the hunt.
and more addicted to breaking bad than ever. ugh.
come hang out with me.

K

Eesh said...

Girl don't I know it. Ain't no money like your own money! I think with me, I hate to ask anyone for anything because I hate having things thrown in my face. Not that it's that way with you & Sean. I'm just saying that sometimes people can get petty! So I'd rather do it myself or do without. And it's been six months since I've been out of a job in the corporate world but I guess photo shoots and my clothing store is keeping me afloat (Thank God!).

But sitting on the couch and watching Netflix isn't so bad. I'm catching up on Season 2 of New Girl and Season 3 of The Walking Dead. I'm uber excited for October because I am a huge WD fan!

xo

B. said...

This has been the story of my life for the last 3 months. I started back work yesterday and thankfully.. because the walls were caving in and everything I got at Target I felt "guilty" about. I hope you find something soon. (But as hard it is, try to enjoy your break! Live it up! I watched about 6 seasons of some shows).

NikG said...

Being a "kept" woman is not for the weak! Well, unless your husband is like a millionaire. lol If kids weren't in my equation, I couldn't do it.

Kathy C. said...

I'm a bit jealous. lol. I would love to have some time off to relax...but like you I would get restless and need to do something meaningful. Hang in there. Enjoy the time while you can!! (Trust me!! haha)

The Pink Growl said...

Girl I am the same way! I haven't worked all my life like you, but I have since I was 18. I can't even be at home sick for 2 days without driving myself insane.

Cece said...

I totally feel you. I had a super hard time accepting that Mj made more money then me. So much so that I honestly believed that I should marry someone who works at McDonald's so that I wouldn't be a "leech" and so that it would be "fair." Crazy town. Where we don't differ is that I'm sure I'd be able to find it within my heart to enjoy the downtime! On the other hand though when I truly visualize it in my head I'd probably feel very close to how you do. I've been working since I was 16. So often we place our value on what we bring in monetarily when there are other ways we contribute the marriage.

Heather said...

I can relate to the way you feel, because I've felt that way myself at times throughout the past several years since I left my full-time job to go to grad school, try freelancing from home, etc. Hang in there, and I'll be rooting for you to find a new job you love soon!

Discovery Street said...

i know how you feel...its still taking me awhile to adjust to being a stay at home mom...spending money is a lot hard when you didn't make it, but it truly is OURS...it takes some time to get used to!

YeamieWaffles said...

I like how much of an action girl you are Faith, it's something that I always find so awesome about you, you always want to be up and doing something and it's just so cool, really hope that you make the most of your non working time though!

Ashley said...

workers virtual high five!

what a great opportunity you have though! enjoy it...you'll be back to work soon enough :)

makingthislifesweet.com said...

I totally want to tell you to enjoy and savor this break now. As soon as you get back to work, you will think to yourself - goodness, I should have enjoyed myself more! LOL.

That said, I know what you mean. A few years ago, I was unemployed for nearly 2 months and I couldn't take it anymore. Good luck on your job hunt and I hope you find something you truly love!

Mrs. K said...

I feel you. I'm in between jobs right now because I just finished "my training" and we'll be moving in a few months. The plan was for me to hang out at home for a little while but it feels weird so I'm looking for some part time work.

Laurie @ The Rookie Wife said...

I'm totally with you girl. I haven't worked for almost 6 years but I'm so ready to get back out in the work field. I miss my job writing SO much, but right now I'm just tempted to pick up a job at a local hair salon answering phones or something. I would love to be able to get out of the house in the evenings and I miss having my OWN money,and not having to answer to anyone about what I buy and why!

Amy said...

You should totally advertise your hair braiding skills! I am sure there are folks in your new town who need a good braid stylist! Craigslist, facebook, church, grocery store, etc are great places to advertise!

josie renee said...

I want to tell you to just lay back and relax -- You been working forever so you deserve the break BUT I know how you workaholics are so.... I hope you find something to keep you busy!

Laura Darling said...

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! I can't blame you - I don't think I'm made to not work either. I am sure something will come along soon!! Where in PA are you? That's where I'm from! Welcome to the state! :)

Desiree Macke said...

If it weren't for the little man there is no way I would be able to stay home. I love to work, and I'm looking forward to the day when I can finally work outside of the home again.
I hope you find something you enjoy soon!

Law_Fal said...

I feel u so much. When I was waiting for bar results work was scarce but I took a job literally removing stables out of documents and scanning them. Like. I had to do something for my sanity and once a career type job came open I was able to move into it. A part time gig may cure your restless spirit and give u time to still look for something full time. But keep the faith and pray for a position to open up. Everything will work out for your good though.

Kristen said...

Funny how when we're working, we would love a break to just do nothing. And usually when I'm off for a few days, I dedicate one day to do just exactly that. Veg out on the couch and catch up on my shows or watch movies. But any more than a couple days straight of that and I get bored. So I feel you. At least you have unpacking and settling in to keep you somewhat busy. And definitely get out of the house and explore some!

And I'm sort of the same way when it comes to money. I know I'm married and it's technically "our" money whatever Ryan and I make. But the truth is he has his account which I don't have access to, and then "our" account which DOES have Ryan's name on it, but he never does anything with it. I do all that, and it's the same account which my paycheck goes into. So while it may be bad, I always think of the money I make as "mine" since I'm the only one that sees it. And I basically pay for the groceries/necessities and my own expenses like car, gas, spending money, etc since like you, I don't make as much as Ryan does. He is definitely the breadwinner by far. But he always calls it our money, even though we both never really see the others accounts. haha But we did try and get my name added on to his account when we got married (that he had before we got married) but the dumb attendant said it would be "hard" to change it since his Dad is on there. And we just haven't taken the time to do anything since.

redwhitebride said...

i hope you'd find something you like soon and in the meantime... enjoy it!! even though i enjoy an occasional 'working from home' day (one of the privileges of working in academia), i can't imagine not having a job. i love to work and we have a really strict financial independence rule even though we're married LOL... we have been very lucky to find positions for both of us.

Georgina said...

I love you Faith you are such a sensible, hard-working young woman. I love that you are not content being a housewife (nor would I be) but this short period of time will be beneficial to you (setting up your new home without time constraints or after coming home after a long day of work etc.)
Keep us updated, sending positive thoughts your way.

p.s. You are not odd xo

Katie said...

Totally know where you are coming from! I feel like (women especially) we all need a sense of purpose. If we don't have that, then our mind starts wondering and thinking and we start getting down on ourselves. Setting a deadline for yourself is a good idea. Until then, I would try my best to enjoy this time you have to yourself. And in the meantime, best of luck my dear!!! I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find something you enjoy to do soon!

Highly Favored said...

Hi Faith, I know the subject is money and spending it. But I'm very sure you will get a nice job very soon. In the mean time, would you consider volunteering your time to a worthy cause a few hours a week just to get out of the house meet new people and places?

Nancy said...

Girl, whatever job you get will be right where you are meant to be. I know that helpless feeling of not contributing and feeling the need to be working. Then I realize that the time spent doing something relaxing is good for the soul. You are right where you are meant to be right now. Sure wish we could go to lunch today :)

Emily Gilbert said...

I've always been a worker bee myself, had jobs ever since I was 15. That 2 years I spent getting my degree and chillin with dominic since baby daddy left, was tough! I always want money to spend. Yes I had unemployment for awhile, did a little babysitting gig for a minutes, and got grant money, it still wasn't satisfying.

I'm glad I got to stay home with my baby for the time I did, but being a SAHM is not my cup of tea. Even if I got married and could stay home I wouldn't.

Andi Ploehs said...

I lost my job in June and had enough tie this summer to really launch my etsy shop. I've been doing ok, even got some press but I still need money! It's a blessing my husband works and can pay the bills but I feel guilty everyday that I'm not able to contribute financially.

love jenny xoxo said...

I'm totally with you, I started babysitting at 12 and have really worked since then. However, now I'm on maternity leave and dreading going back to work... I think I could stay home forever which totally isn't like me. Maybe things will go back to normal once i'm back.

Good luck with the job search! it's hard but i'm positive you'll find a great career!

XOXO

http://lovejennyxoxo.blogspot.com/

TOI said...

i feel you so much. I used to be a 'workaholic' too.

Though now I am home to take care of my daughter sometimes I wonder how it would be if I was working as well. I would like to have a part-time work sometimes. Right now I tutor once a week {hopefully twice a week} and working on my writing craft so hopefully one day I will get some income from that passion.

Finger cross you get some work to do

Lovelyladyjb said...

I completely have been there! I was unemployed for 1 year - often anxiety would take me over, and I felt like I was not a productive human in society. Pick up a hobby in the meantime to put your energy somewhere positive and enjoy the time off! Also, I agree that you should maybe do hair on the side that would be a great thing to get back into until you get a job to keep you busy! Find a good book! You can do this :)

Mrs JK said...

I too used to make money braiding peoples hair in uni. Its always so much easier to splurge and be a little "careless" with ur own money, but since u plan on going back into to workforce, i say enjoy it as much as u can. The money can the back seat for now ;)

Ashley R said...

Aw, thanks for sharing this. We all think we will enjoy a break, but I, like you, feel much more purpose while working. At least you have realized this about yourself, and it is something you can do something about! xo- thinking of you and wishing you luck girl!

Vett Vandiver said...

taking a break can be so difficult for workaholics!

Courtney B said...

Don't worry girl, things will work out! I totally struggled with becoming a house wife and not contributing with the funds... but things started falling in my lap and I was incredibly busy and contributing in ways I never would have imagined (while still mostly being a house wife) which made the transition so much easier when I had Mia! I just know you'll find the perfect job!!

Life with J and J said...

Girl, you have a marketable skill. Use it! Folks are always looking for someone to braid their hair. I would do that to get some pocket change.
Have you looked into being a personal shopper?

Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama said...

I get it. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. I hear your struggles. You will be back at work before you know it, and begging for a day off. :) You got this girl!

Jenna said...

I love that you had your own hair business starting up at 13! How cool is that?!

I completely understand why you're feeling this way, Faith. I had a few weeks after my nannying job ended last summer and I was searching for a new one where I felt so lost. People would say- enjoy the downtime! But for me, it was like...how can I even enjoy it if I am feeling so anxious about not having full-time employment (I was still working at the salon part-time)?!

Good luck with the job search!!! :)

Also, I am glad that I read your other post first so I know you're feeling better now about everything :)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Honestly I would enjoy this down time...if you think about there aren't many days you will spend not working. Enjoy being a stay at home wife...love on your hubby and work will find you again!

Samara Pierce said...

Hey Faith!

So I was just revisiting your blog and fell in love all over again! You have such beautiful pictures and great style! I totally agree with you on this post! I'm soon to be married and I guess with being single you get use to having your own and doing for yourself. That would feel weird to suddenly have your honey's pot to pick from. Yes it's both of your money but still I get where you're coming from. I didn't have a full time job for like a month about 7 or 8 years ago and felt like such a flake! Omg, I felt like there was NO productivity. All in all, I know the feeling lol! Take Care hun!

Samara
www.styledchic.net

Maria said...

you deserve to rest and relax!! i can imagine that it is tough transition. treat yourself to a mani and pedi and some shopping. with your money. :)
sending love and hugs! xoxox

Kiki said...

i totally understand how you feel! when my hubbers travels for work and i go with him i feel so useless all i do is sit at home all day! if you have a job you will at least make some friends and get out there a little more! but for now just enjoy your down time