No spend, no drink January

Happy New Year all! To start the new year off with a bang, Sean and I are doing a no spend, no drink January. We believe it will be the best way to detox after an indulgent and expensive December. We of course will buy the necessities (grocery shopping, unexpected expenses that may come up, birthday gift for our niece) but wants will not be entertained.

During this month, I intend to use gift cards that we got for Christmas for maybe a dinner out one night, cook and eat our meals at home, have movie and date nights at home, binge Netflix, exercise, cuddle up next to the fireplace (a favorite in winter), read a few books that I neglected last year and just hibernate. It all sounds really lovely to me after a busy holiday season.

Anyone else doing something similar? If yes, please share as I’ll love to know what you’re doing to slow down this month.

P.S. 10 years ago today I started this blog. I love that I am still blogging after all this time.

This blog is 8 today ♥

Today is my blogiversary and if I’m to be honest I almost forgot. Normally I would have thought about what to write, etc, but unfortunately I’m not prepared. I just celebrated 1000 posts a few weeks ago so I don’t think I have much more to add to that. I’m pretty excited that my blog turns 8 today and am still in shock that I’ve been blogging for 8 years. What started as a way to get me out of the post wedding planning blues turned into a journal of my life journey of the last 8 years. Anyway, Happy 8th birthday, Life.Love&Marriage. Maybe one day I’ll change my blog name, but until then ...

7 Years of Blogging.

When I began this blog on January 2nd 2010, I was a newlywed. We weren't even at the two month stage of marriage.

When I think of that person, I smile because I was free of heartache, true pain and my motivation was to be able to stay at my wedding weight. Life was really good and I had not yet experienced many bumps or hiccups along the road.

In 2013, my worries were having to relocate from NY to PA. I did not like unemployment. I missed my friends. I missed our little home. That is what my worries were. At the time, they were valid worries because like I said, I had not yet experienced much bumps or hiccups along the road.

2014 whipped me right into shape. It was the year I learned of my mom's diagnosis and it was the first time in my life that I knew of true confusion, denial, anger, pain and so many other emotions that I had never felt before. I was a walking zombie and my thoughts were consumed with all the things that I could not control.

It led to many sleepless nights and for the first time in my life I was truly not OK. Knowing that my mom was in pain and possibly dying and being able to do nothing but pray was too much to handle. I still had hope that she would beat it. That the treatment she was receiving was going to do what it needed to do. That God was going to perform a miracle on my mom.

2015 took my mother. And well all the emotions before that were just an appetizer. I still did not know how it felt to have your heart squeezed so tight that you felt you would pass out until she passed away. The hyperventilating tears that would come at any time. I wonder how I got out of bed sometimes. How I was able to keep it together. But with a strong support system it's amazing all that you can do. Knowing that you're not in pain by yourself helps you keep it together.

The first day of 2016, Sean and I sat in our kitchen and wrote down goals that we would like to accomplish. Life had truly been put on a backburner with both of our mothers fighting stage 4 cancers. Our lives revolved around road trips every weekend to either see my mom or his mom. It was a lot.

For the first time in two years I felt like things could not get any worst. That the worst was behind us. That I could have hope that life would get better. It was also that day that we decided that 2016 was the year we would try for children.

We were finally stable. We were now in PA for a few years. We had jobs, a new home and our emotions more in check. Everything pointed that 2016 would be the year.

17 days later that changed. And when I think of that time, tears well in my eyes because how, how did this happen? Life wasn't done with me yet. The pain I had felt before this was all emotional. I had never felt real physical pain in my life. I had not known what it was like to almost die. What it was like to spend 12 days in a hospital, one week of it in intensive care.

And when I was told that my uterus needed to go for me to live, I had never felt so betrayed in my life. Like, what the fuck! What had I done to deserve all this shit?! Sorry for the language.

It was all too much. For the first time I really knew what that meant. But that wasn't the worst part when I think of it now, it was the recovery that rocked me. It was going home and knowing that a significant part of me had been taken. It was going home and not being able to do for myself that allowed the thoughts to control me. The thoughts that caused me to have a full fledged panic attack that I was forced to call 911 because I thought I was having a stroke. Only to be told that I wasn't having a stroke but a panic attack.

A panic attack? I don't do panic attacks. But I did. Several more after that. I soon had no choice but to pay attention to when they would begin that way I could control my breathing and take my thoughts to a positive place. One verse that I would frequently say out loud was, God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Once I was able to walk again and my physical therapist discharged me I begin to see flickers of light again. I still was in bad shape but I could walk now. It took a few more months before my doctor felt that I was good enough to return to work at 4 hour days. Soon I was back at the gym and although I could not do what I use to do, I was back and I could do for myself.

But once my body began to heal my thoughts were now free to roam to other places. Dark places. I was no longer worried about learning how to walk again. About not being able to climb the stairs or shower on my own. And with that came blame. And how I blamed myself. I was unkind to myself. And it was strange because sometimes I was so proud of myself. How far I had come and then a second later I was disgusted with myself.

I had never been an emotional eater but in 2016 I was. Bad thought? Have a cupcake. Bad thought? Order Chinese food. Not the best as I'm now going to have to work on losing this weight that I put on and now control a bad habit that I want no part of. I now have to figure out how to control the bad thoughts without allowing food to fix it.

Yesterday, I did not tell myself that 2017 could not get any worst. In fact, I told myself to be prepared for it to possibly get worst. I told myself that you have no choice but to go with all the bumps and to ride any and all waves with as much strength as you can muster. I can't tell you that 2017 is going to be my year. Not that I'm being negative and don't want to claim all the best for myself. I do. But now I know that you could do everything right and sometimes be handed the short stick. And it's OK. You are not to blame. It's something called life. You'll have to deal with pain and suffering one day, you have no choice. But it's how you come out of the pain that your character begins to build. That you realize that you are stronger than you've ever given yourself credit for.

I'm not the person I was when I started this blog 7 years ago. What I thought would break me then, only made me stronger.

I don't know where 2017 will go. I have no expectations. But I have a feeling that no matter what I'll be OK.

Happy 6th birthday, blog.

6 years ago, on a Saturday, quite possibly like today, I began Life.Love&Marriage.




I actually can't believe that I've kept up with this blog for as long as I have.
It blows my mind that there is 6 years of my life documented on this blog with words and a lot of pictures.




In the last two years, I've gone back and forth about discontinuing the blog or going private as I began to lose interest in the whole aspect of blogging. It seems I can't bring myself to do so. I also knew that with my overcharged emotions that I maybe wasn't thinking rationally and any decision made during that time would most likely be regretted.



So even when I didn't feel like blogging I kept up with it and I'm glad that I did because I do love this little blog of mine.



It isn't as active as it use to be and it doesn't get nearly the same amount of views or comments that it use to get. However, that does not derail me because I did not start this blog with the intention of it going anywhere. Besides a dress I received in 2013, I haven't received anything because of this blog. I've kept it for personal reasons and have never set any goals for this blog.



To be honest, I've never really thought much about what I post, blog schedules, etc.



But I also realize that because I write this blog and that a few people do still read it, it's time to give this blog some goals/intention.



My first goal is to blog more regularly. I enjoy writing this blog but in the last two years, I've spent less time on it because my thoughts and energy were elsewhere. If you look a couple years back you'll see that I was blogging about twenty times per month.

In the last year, I actually have record of only blogging twice in one month. The last time I was that low was in 2010.

I can't say that I'm going to get back to blogging twenty times in one month (very unlikely!) but I have intentions to blog more regularly. It's something I still enjoy so I want to spend more time on it.



This blog has always been about Sean and I's life together. After all, it was why I started it in 2010. It if were not for my sister's observation, I would not have realized how few pictures of Sean and I are on this blog in the last two years. If you look at past posts you'll see what I mean. When my sister mentioned it, I decided to check it out and she was right, of course.




There were some fun posts and I really enjoyed seeing how much we've changed.

So I'm intending to share more pictures of us since this blog is about us. Sean will most likely be making his funny faces but interesting enough those are the ones I really enjoyed seeing when I went years back on the blog.



I also intend to have more everyday living, life lately posts.
Pictures of everyday life, tidbits about life and what's going on in this mind of mine.



I'll also try to bring back some recipe and outfit posts. Emphasis on try.



One thing that will most likely remain the same is the abundant amount of pictures you'll see here, especially my favorite food pictures. That is not going anywhere as long as I have a camera in my life.




So there you have it. My first ever "goals" for this blog and it just took 6 years.
Here's to blogging for the long haul and sharing our life with you all in words and pictures.



Thanks for being with us in the last 6 years. It truly has been my pleasure to share our journey with all of you.


xoxo ♥

New Year.

2014 was a bit of a rollercoaster year for me and because of that many things that interest me lost their appeal.
I hope that makes sense.

For instance, I love finding new recipes to make and I made it a priority to try a new one at least once a week.
I found myself sticking to only making meals that I knew and my search for new recipes halted.

I love to take pictures (a million at a time if I could) and that went downhill.

My blog took a hit, not only did I not have a desire to blog, I really had no desire to read your posts. This one surprised me because I love reading about other's lives. I think it's the nosey part of being a human. But nope, I didn't need to know what you ate, cooked, traveled to, wore, etc.

It is not that I didn't care, I believe with everything going on in my head I just did not have space for extras.

I want that to change in 2015. I want to get excited about the things that once got me excited. I actually need to.

So I'm going to try very, very hard to get out of this space I'm in. This space of not wanting to make time for things I enjoy doing.

I do regret that 2014 was not well documented on my blog. I'm the type of blogger who likes to read their older posts. I like to see what I was doing at a certain time, age, etc. It is not easy to remember every detail but this blog has allowed it to be so easy to say, OMG, yes! I remember feeling that, wearing that, eating that, etc. It is nice to go down memory lane but I believe this year I didn't really want to remember so I think that I purposely avoided documenting this year as well as I've done past years.

I've decided that to bring my love for my blog back, I have to start somewhere. I'll blog about anything that comes to mind when I sit down at the chair to write. I won't have a theme or even a purpose. I'm just wanting to get my love back and then when I'm in the groove of things ... I'll just have to get there.

While we're on the subject of blogging, yesterday marked my fifth year of blogging. It's amazing to me that I've shared my life online for the last 5 years. Pleasant and not so pleasant memories have been documented on this blog and I hope that I'll continue to do it for many years to come.

Happy New Year and thank you for lending your ears (or should I say eyes?) all these years! xoxo ♥

Happy 4th Birthday Blog

So today is my blog's 4th birthday. I'm surprised when I write that because I can't believe I lasted this long. I remember when I first started I did not think blogging was for me and I was going to quit. One day I just got it and I've been going ever since.

The thing is that lately I've been thinking about my blog and where I want it to go. I'm not sure what I really want to do with it anymore. I don't think it has changed much from what I started and I've always just blogged for myself but I also know that I have readers so I'm also blogging for you guys.

Some posts are a hit and some posts are a complete fail. I never know how a post is going to be received but I try very hard not to think about it too much because as long as I am fine with hitting publish that is what matters to me in the end.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this but maybe I can get some feedback of what you guys like to see on my blog. I would ask what you would like to see less of but to be honest if I post it on here it is of interest to me soooooo ..... Maybe I can ask what you will like to see more of? Are there things you'll like for me to discuss that I don't discuss here that will still stay true to the content of my blog? Please share. I look forward to hearing from you.

And last but not least, thank you for reading and commenting! I truly appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings.

Happy 4th birthday Life.Love&Marriage! ♥ I think it's time for a blog name change. If only I were creative.

I'm such a bad mama; I missed my blog's birthday.

So yeah, on Jan 2nd, it was my blog’s birthday. She turned 3 years old.

I didn’t throw her a party and I didn’t tell her how much I loved that she was in my life.

Why?

I forgot.

So tonight, I’ll celebrate with one or two glasses of something strong fruity (read girly).

And I’ll tell Sean on our date that she turned 3 years old.

He will look at me, not amused, and say, “Seriously, you gave your blog a birthday?”

And I’ll say, “Wait? Is something wrong with that?”

Then he’ll say, “I’m sure you want me to take a picture of you, sipping your wine for blog purposes.”

And I’ll say, “You know me so well. Just make sure it’s my good side because if not you’ll have to take it again."

At this point, if looks could kill, my face would head-butt my entree.

And then I’ll take a picture of my food, and my drink, and of Sean not smiling and I’ll think to myself, it’s all my blog’s fault.

Happy 3rd birthday blog love. You’ve been good to me.

Thank You & 2nd Blog Birthday

I am always surprised when I check my blog and I see I have a new follower. Not going to lie, it makes me so excited and I always have to tell Sean to guess how many followers I have now. He knows how excited this makes me so he always plays along.

I started this blog shortly after hubs and I married. I needed something to keep me busy because the wedding was over. It is crazy just how much your mind turns to wedding when you are planning one. You think about it, you dream about it and then you think about it again.

After the wedding, I didn't know what it was I did before the wedding planning. I also didn't know what to do with myself and this free time. There was nothing to check off the list, there was no vendor to harass call and there was nothing to follow up on. Blogging came at the right time because soon after blogging, I no longer had wedding brain.

I remember when I reached 30 followers, I was stoked. I didn't think it was possible that 30 people would want to read about what I had to say, and sometimes, I am still surprised.

Of course, there are those days when you see that someone has un-followed you and for a minute you wonder what it was that made them say goodbye. You wonder if it was a post you made that left a horrible taste in their mouths minds, or if they followed you just because you followed them or they thought your blog was going to be about something else and it just wasn't what they signed up for. I always wonder this each time someone un-follows me. But then I realize that if my blog is not what they are looking for, I am glad they un-followed. I would rather see the people who are truly following me versus the ones who skip my posts on their dashboards.

I always tell Sean I have the best followers. I seriously feel that when someone follows my blog it is because they genuinely want to know who I am. I say this because of the comments I get from each posts. You lovelies let me know that you are there, reading, cheering me on and I just love that about ya'll.

Any who, this post is just to say thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and to comment on my posts. I sometimes write the silliest posts and you lovelies write something and it makes me think that maybe it wasn't so silly after-all.

I appreciate you all so much and enjoy reading your blogs and getting to know who you all are. Cheers to many more blog posts from me and cheers to many more blog posts from you! I'm looking forward to continuing to share my journey with you and you continuing to share your journeys with me.


xoxo

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

Well, technically, it was yesterday ... but who's keeping count?
____________________________________________________________

When wedding planning ended, I was bored. Wedding planning consumed me. I thought about it everyday, at least 100 times a day. I dreamt about it. Sometimes they were amazing dreams about how gorgeous I looked and sometimes they were nightmares about me arriving to the church in my birthday suit. I woke up many times afraid of my wedding and annoyed that it had so much power.

Once it was over I felt relieved but I missed it. I wanted to do the fun parts all over again. I needed a new hobby because I didn't feel right logging into the wedding website, that honestly should have paid me for the amount of time I spent talking about it.

I was a hostess at this amazing wedding website and it took me months to finally give that status up. Once I did that I knew it was over. I had no reason to log on and stare at wedding dresses all day at work. No excuse.

What was going to be my new freaking hobby?

It was at that wedding website that I saw a forum post about blogging. This person was talking about how much fun it was and if we could share what our blogs were and she would follow.

I was curious and clicked on a few blogs and that was the beginning of a new addiction.

You mean to tell me that I could make a blog and talk about anything I wanted. ANYTHING?! Oh boy!

A few days later, my blog was born. I knew that I was going to talk about my life. It wasn't going to be just one topic because I am just not about one thing. But I wasn't exactly sure how it worked so not too long into it, I decided blogging wasn't for me.

I find that so surprising now.

{Insert picture that shows Faith with a surprised face}


One day, I had something to talk about. And soon one follower became 50 and so on. I now had to blog. People were following me and there was no way that I could leave them hanging. It didn't matter if it wasn't going to be an exciting post, I was going to blog because they found me interesting for some very odd reason.

I am so excited to be a part of this blogging world. It is such a release and it lets me get away to talk about my feelings and my everyday world. Even if that world isn't very exciting, it is my world.

I also know it is going to be amazing to look back and see just how much of my life has been documented in this blog.

I want to say a big thank you to my fabulous followers who have just been amazing. I love reading your comments and I love stalking following your lives.

I hope to continue blogging and following your lives for a long time to come! :)