Monday, May 23, 2016

Family time is my favorite time.

Several weekends ago, my family and I decided to visit my mother's grave for the first time since we buried her last August. I was dreading making this visit for months but when I got there and saw my family it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

My mom's grave was actually very beautiful and it was comforting to talk to her and let her know how much she meant/means to me. I thanked her and I cried. But I think it was time that we visited and now I won't dread it as much. I'll make sure to make a trip often just to talk to her.

We were quite emotional after the visit so it was the best idea for us to go bowling afterwards. My sister, Maryanna, came up with the idea and I'm so glad she did. Initially we were just going to go out and eat somewhere but when I think of it that wasn't at all what we needed. We needed some good ole family fun. And fun is what we had.

There was some confusion in the beginning when you're trying to bowl with ten people but once it was all figured out it was so much fun. My niece and nephew got so into it. To be honest, we all did. Sean of course had the highest score, he always does. I always joke that he does it for a living but in truth we only bowl like once a year, if that. It was so nice to see my dad enjoy himself too.

We indulged in some bowling greasy food which is sometimes what you need and we just had a really, really good time.

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I say this often because I mean it with every part of me.
Family is everything.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

At Home: Miscellaneous

A few things have been added in our house and it's getting pretty exciting to see rooms come together. Our main bathroom is finally decorated the way we want since we bought the house in November 2014 and it's actually the only room that is completely done. Funnily enough I haven't taken any real pictures of it because it's a bathroom. But if you'd like to see let me know and I'll be sure to snap some pictures and share on here. Just know that it is nothing extraordinary before you get your hopes up ;).

Alright back to the point ....

Like I mentioned there's some pieces that have been added to our house that make me happy.

Grey curtains have been switched out in favor of these white curtain that make the room feel so much more open, brighter and summery. I just love this big window and the fact that often I feel like they bring the outside in. The room still feels a little empty (wall art is needed badly on the bare wall) but I know that when I find pieces that will complete this room I'll know it. Until then it will be like this for a while.

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I found those Chinese wall art pieces ($6 bucks each) at Goodwill and I'm digging them. I was stoked to find them and brought them home in fear that someone else would pick them up, even though I wasn't sure how Sean would feel about them. I often get Sean's approval when I pick up things for the house since he lives here too (although most times he could care less) and was thrilled when he loved it too.

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Last but not least is the floor lamp that was exactly what I had in mind. It also helped that it was gold which you'll find is a common color in our house. I wanted something a little different that I wouldn't be able to find on the regular and this was it. I love the gold, the feel I get from looking at it and the intricate design. It was a no brainer and it made it home with me. Every time I look at it I get excited that I found it.

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Oh and flowers. When I wasn't well there weren't flowers in practically every room. Sean picked up flowers a few times to lighten up my mood but I didn't enjoy them the way I usually do. Now that I'm feeling so much better my flower haul has started up again and it makes our home so cheery and instantly puts me in a good mood.

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When I started decorating our house I had no theme in mind but very soon I realized that I was drawn to yellow, turquoise, golds and greys. There's certainly a mismatch of things because loving something outweighed having a theme so it truly makes me feel good when I enter through the front doors.

I want to live in a house that's inviting and colorful. A place that when you walk in you feel good energy and right at home. As each month goes by I think that we're getting closer and I just can't wait until I can say that we've accomplished what we set out to do.

If you could describe your home in one word what would it be? For me it's cozy. Definitely cozy.

Monday, May 9, 2016

Technology.

The other day I was sitting down to watch an episode of “How To Get Away With Murder” on Netflix and it got me thinking how fast technology has changed. It’s pretty amazing if you think about it.

Though I was young in the 80’s and 90’s I still remember things pretty clearly.

I remember how my sister’s and I would listen to the radio and when our favorite songs would come on we would make sure our radio was in record mode that way our cassette tapes could record the song for us. This way we could listen to the song over and over again and learn the lyrics. Let’s not even talk about how horrible the recordings always sounded but it did the job and we learned the lyrics. It makes me laugh to think about how excited we were to learn Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise".

We would also record ourselves singing our favorite songs and we would say our age and the date. Oh how I wish I could find these cassette tapes now but so many times we would record over them so who even knows if they still exist? I also remember how the tape inside would come out and you would have to wind it back in but often that meant that there was no saving of your recording and it just was never the same.

I remember the good ole Walkman and how I felt so cool to have one when I finally got one. How you would walk down the street and listen to music and hope that everyone could see that yes, you too have a Walkman.

I remember how I would tell my friends the exact time to call my house that way when the phone rung I would say loudly, “It’s for me!” and run to the phone as quickly as I could. Of course there was always that sneaky person that would still pick up the phone and try to listen but then you’d say something like, I can hear you and that person would hang up. Sometimes my sisters would play games but eventually they would hung up. I think the most mortifiying thing was sneakily calling a boy you like and then your mom and dad picking up and listening. Man that was mortifying. It’s kinda sad that kids these days won’t even have that embarrassment.

I remember when television on Friday nights were a big deal. There was no such thing as catching up in the future on your own time. If you missed it, you missed it and then at school you could not talk about it. Now a days we can watch television on our own times and that is huge in itself.

Do you remember the VCR? Oh man. How much space it took along with the videos? How it would take forever to rewind and fast forward. I’ve got to say that I’m glad we’re done with that because it was not convenient at all.

I remember learning to type on a typewriter. I loved the sounds that it would make each time you typed a letter. That I actually miss. I remember not feeding paper in the typewriter correctly and having to do it over and over again until it was fed properly. That I do not miss.

Remember when you would make a mistake when you typed and how you would try to go back and fix it but it just didn’t fix it and having to start all over? That was so tedious.

I remember the first time I saw a computer at school and being so confused about what it was. It was just this big, white thing that was just so foreign and I could not comprehend it. And then it was like, OMG, I could use this instead of the encyclopedia. Wait. What? Do you remember having to actually go to the library and using the encyclopedia in order to complete book reports, etc. Kids these days have it way too easy!

But it’s amazing how a computer looks now. How a cell phone looks now. How televisions look now. DVD players in place of a VCR. CDs in place of cassette tapes.

There is so much that has changed between then and now. Some for the better and some not so much. But it’s amazing in just 30-40 years how much things has changed. And how it is quite possible that someone could be making this same exact post in 30-40 years about how things have changed from now. Can you imagine technology being even better than it is now? Mind boggling.

Anything you remember while reading this post? Please share because I’m sure I’ve missed so much and would love to reminisce.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Friday Morning Ramblings.

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- Its been raining non-stop for over one week. I don't mind so much during the week but would love a break on the weekend. Is that too much to ask? The plants in front of my house do look good (just a little water soaked) but I know that they need some sun too.

- Is it crazy that I cannot wait to have my lunch today? It is zucchini noodles with cilantro lime chicken and it is so good. I found the recipe on Pinterest and even Sean loves it! I've been pinning so many zoodle recipes and can't wait to make them all. Here is a link to the recipe in case you want to give it a try.

- I had my ultrasounds on Monday and when the technician pulled up a picture of what my left leg looked like when I arrived to the hospital I fought back tears. I knew it was bad because I felt it but seeing it was a different story. Seeing the damage that my left leg was exposed to was a true moment of humbleness. I don’t really know how to explain the feelings and I know I keep on saying it and I think I will keep on saying it until pigs fly. I’m so, so grateful.

- It's the strangest thing but whenever people see Sean they assume that he is either in the military or in law enforcement. He usually just responds with a no but when the technician asked Sean the same question we finally asked, why do you think so? And he said that it's the way Sean carries himself and he also has a respectful demeanor. Ooooh, I see. Good to know.

- I see my family on Saturday and I have a mixture of feelings. I'm finally going to visit my mom's grave that day. My sisters and I have been avoiding it because going makes it so much more real. Like having to accept that your mom doesn't reside in your world anymore. Hard fact to accept so sometimes it feels nice to pretend that she's gone on a long trip but still here. Harder to pretend that she's still here on Mother's Day so we're going to visit. It's going to be hard but we're going to go bowling afterwards to make it more lighthearted. I think a little fun and competition will do good for our souls.

- Happy (early) Mother's Day! The hard work you do needs to be noted everyday and it is greatly appreciated. I hope you're all spoiled with love, laughter and some me time! You deserve it.

Hope you all have wonderful weekends.
xoxo ♥

Thursday, May 5, 2016

progress I can see.

The last time Sean and I went out, out it was on April 2nd. I was feeling good that day and we decided to have a date night. It was the first time I was going to be heading out without my compression stocking on my left leg as my doctor advised that when I do special things and would rather not wear my stocking it was OK for a few hours. Well I tried that on April 2nd and after about 2 hours my leg began to swell & I began to feel discomfort and we headed home immediately. I was a bit bummed thinking that I was never going to be myself again and thinking of all the outfits I was not going to be able to wear. I snapped out of it but I thought it.


I’ve kept my stocking on for every event ever since. But Saturday night we did a little trial run to see how my body is now. And I’m happy to report that I was able to go 2 1/2 hours without my leg swelling. But you best believe that as soon as we got home I put it right on and even tried to go to sleep with it. That didn't go as planned but you know, one can never be too careful.


But that right there is progress that I can actually see and guys, it feels pretty good.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Feeling Myself.

Don’t wait until your body is fighting for you to appreciate it. I use to nit-pick my body whenever I could. If only I didn’t have back fat, if only my arms were more toned, if only my belly was flatter. If only, if only.

It took my body being put through the ringer and fighting to live that I was able to see the disrespect I had given my body. If anyone talked about any of my dear friends’ bodies the way I talked about my own body I would give them a piece of my mind. So why was it OK for me to do it to myself?

It’s funny. The respect I now have for my body I wish I always had. The fact that I was able to say disrespectful things about it and it still fight for me. For it to maintain strength when I was so weak, for it to fight through the pain in order for me to still be here. And not only that to be recovering so nicely after all that it had been put through! My body did that. My disrespected body did that. I wonder would it have done even better had I given it the respect it deserved.

Now it’s very hard for me to find fault. I’m no longer blaming my body if something doesn’t fit me the way I wanted. I’ve been saying, well this piece of clothing wasn’t created with your body in mind, no big deal. Let’s find something that was. My body is not the problem anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I don’t think that doing this will rid our bodies of sicknesses and diseases. We’ll get sick whether we love our bodies or not. It’s just a part of life. I am just really aware now that if the society we live in does not consider me the standard of beauty, it is up to me to find me beautiful. It is my responsibility to call me beautiful. How can I expect anyone to find me beautiful if I can’t admit it to myself?

Don’t wait until your body is fighting for you. Love it right now. Not because you think you’re the most perfect thing in the entire world but because you’ve decided to find your “imperfections” beautiful. Because it’s your job, your responsibility to feed positive things about yourself to yourself. Because it is knowing if you don’t you shouldn’t expect anyone else to.

Also it doesn’t hurt to look in the mirror and be like, damn, I look good.
Doesn’t hurt to say it and actually believe it because guess what? You do.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Friday Morning Ramblings.

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- I, like a lot of people watched BeyoncĂ©'s, ” Lemonade”. I’ve gone back and forth on loving Beyonce and then giving her the side eye. I feel that this time around she used her platform to share that she is also fighting her own battles. That this stronger than thou woman also has her insecurities, fear and uncertainness. She showed us raw. Real. Anger, frustration, vulnerability and forgiveness. And I have to say that it was refreshing to see.

- Guys, I’m soooo excited about this. For the first time in over 4 months (maybe longer) I have a brunch date with Cinthia! After brunch we're taking a little road trip to a farmers' & flea market. Cinthia will be closing on her first home in less than one month so we're going to see if anything "speaks" to her. After that we're going to check out another farmers' market closer to where we live as it is the grand re-opening for the season and those are always so much fun. Health is so not overrated! When you can’t do the simplest things it’s amazing how once you can you treasure it so much. I have this deeper appreciation for life than I have ever had.

EDITED TO ADD: Cinthia had to cancel. Some personal stuff and I'm so sad. This is what happens when you get excited over something, ha. Well, I have a free Saturday now. What's a gal to do?

- I have to get bloodwork and ultrasounds done on my left leg this coming Monday. Then I’ll have a follow up appointment with my vascular doctor on the 9th to discuss what the ultrasound and bloodwork revealed. I’m a little nervous but my leg does feel better so I know if anything progress has been made. I just want to get it over with that way I just know.

- Mother’s Day is coming. I’m feeling a lot of apprehension and sadness. I still have not come to terms that my mom is gone. And in just 3 months it will be a year. I miss her so, so much that it hurts me every single day. I'm still waiting for the day when instead of sadness being the first feeling I feel when I think of her, that the feeling of joy due to great memories will be first.

I hope that you all have fabulous weekends! ♥