Tuesday, July 26, 2016

A birthday & a graduation.

I’m so behind on this post (one month to be exact) and I really don’t know why I’ve dragged myself on posting it. But that saying, better late than never is what I’m going to be using for my excuse today.

June 26 is my mom’s birthday. And it was a tough day. Sean did the sweetest thing and the Friday before her birthday he surprised me at work with flowers. My mom’s favorite color was purple so the vase and the flowers were shades of purple and I was just so surprised and in awe. This man I married continues to surprise me every day. The way he loves me is just so good and in this world filled with so much hate and sadness it is so welcomed to be able to have him. Here are a couple of pictures I took of the flowers.

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I knew the day would start out tough. Just like all the holidays before it. But this time it was just a little tougher because she should have been 65. She should have made it. The only thing that made it easier was the fact that my little sister’s (Priscilla) graduation actually fell on that day as well. I’ve never been to a Sunday graduation. In fact, I did not even think they did Sunday graduations but for some reason my sister’s graduation fell on a Sunday. My mom wanted more than anything for my little sister to go back to school and when she did I remember my mom being so proud of her. I feel like it falling on my mom’s birthday was as though she was telling us that she was with her in spirit and celebrating her on a big day. A day that began with much tears ended with much laughter. It was a pretty special day. Excuse the crap load of pictures because I apparently have no self-control.

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After Priscilla’s graduation ceremony we went to Antonios in the Bronx. It was our first time there but certainly not our last. The service and food was outstanding. As soon as we entered they made us feel right at home and every single one of us had a smile on our face the entire time. They tell you that you’re their family and they make you feel like it’s true. It’s no wonder that their reviews are outstanding. I didn’t take pictures of all the food but every single thing I tasted was delicious! And that bread, let’s just say we kept on asking for more, so incredibly good.

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My dad's birthday falls on June 18 so we surprised him with cake and he was just the cutest. Look at how happy he looks!
It was not an easy day for him so we needed him to know just how loved he is.

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I just love my family :).

P we are so, so proud of you and know that you are going to do big things in life. We love you. Go get em’!

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Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Friends, Brunch and the Movies.

Almost two months ago (I know, I know, I'm working on getting more current with my postings), two girlfriends and I had a day planned that consisted of brunch (laughter) and watching a movie (crying). It had been a while since I had done this with girlfriends. It was actually the first time out with girlfriends since January and it felt really nice to feel like myself again. Since January, I had really only spent time with family and Sean so time with friends was highly necessary. We decided to have brunch at The Hamilton Kitchen & Bar. Cinthia and I went once before last year but Krista had never gone so we thought it would be a great place to take her. I love the décor and the food is fantastic. We wanted to sit outside but the day called for thunderstorms and the last thing we wanted was to get soaked while we ate. To be honest we were more worried about soaked food, sure that isn't too tasty.

The last time I went I had their doughnuts and fried chicken and waffles and wouldn’t you know it that’s what I wanted again. I usually want to try other things on a menu but since I hadn’t had this since last year (that was my excuse) I just had to. I did order something new, their honey biscuit which was amazing! It’s made from scratch and honey is drizzled on top and there are some herbs inside the biscuit that just make for the best combination. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture. What's wrong with me?

After we had stuffed our faces we went to see "Me Before You". Krista made sure to grab some tissues when we ordered drinks and popcorn and good thing she did. We were all a bawling mess which is funny to me since I read the book and already knew what it was about. I couldn’t help but cry and even though I had told Krista that I wasn't going to need tissues I ended up having to ask for one, ha. I loved the book and although a few things were changed in the movie I still really enjoyed the movie. It was sad but there were also moments that made me smile and I think it is worth seeing if you haven’t already.

Here are a few pictures I took because any time spent with friends is worth documenting. At least that's what I tell myself.

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I hope you're all having a good week so far ♥.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Six months.

It is so surreal to me that exactly six months ago, on a Monday just like today, everything began quite normal. By the end of the day I was fighting for my life. I did not realize at the time how close I was to death’s door and how God really spared me.

I still have moments of disbelief and sometimes anxiety. The whole experience makes me feel a multiple of emotions, the main one being grateful. Because I want to be here with the people I love most in this world and I’m so glad I was given another chance to be with them.

I still remember so clearly when my doctor told me that it would take 6 months for me to get back to how I was prior to January 18th. I remember thinking how far that was. I remember looking at my left leg three times the size of my right leg in complete disbelief. I remember breaking down in front of my physical therapist when I was learning how to walk again. I remember how difficult it was to climb the stairs when I returned home from the hospital and just how helpless I felt. I just remember how difficult everything was.

What a humbling time.

It seemed like such a long time but still not believable that I would be my old self in six months. I had so far to go.

I remember the first time I went back to the gym. It was April 1st and I could not do ten minutes, let alone an incline or high speed. I was exhausted and felt defeated. Sean told me to start slow. Everyday do an extra minute and every week increase your speed and incline. You'll get there. Sure enough, last Thursday I reached my old time, speed and incline. I was finally able to do what I was able to do before I was hospitalized and it felt so, so good.

And about a few weeks ago I was able to do sit ups for the first time in almost 6 months. I felt so proud of how far my body has come and how it worked so hard to get me where I am.

A lot has changed in six months. The way I think about certain things and the way my body operates. Every time I get up from a sitting position my leg needs to be warmed up. I can no longer just get up and go. I also need to be moving once every hour except for when I'm sleeping because my leg is elevated.

I need to take blood thinners for another 6 months (hopefully!) and wear compression stockings on my left leg for the rest of my life. I won't lie and say that outfit selections have been fun but there are just so much more bigger things to life than outfits. I'll probably never wear a two piece bikini again due to the very visible scar on my abdomen but again, bigger things to life than that.

This road has been very difficult. Now that my body has basically healed, I’ve been working on my emotions. Coming to terms that I’ll never become pregnant has really been getting to me lately and I try to allow myself to feel the pain and then let it go. Those feelings are coming to me more and more because my body is no longer in pain so my attention has now been re-directed to something else.

Although, my emotions are still going through a process I’m relieved to be at this point. I am looking forward to how things will be for me in another 6 months time.

All I can say is that this experience taught me to love so much more. To accept people more. To let those you love know you love them everyday. To be ready because anyday could be your last. Life is way too short and unpredictable to be surrounded by people who do not have your best interests at heart. Let them go. It’s OK to let them go. Love hard. Smile big. Enjoy life. Have empathy.

Just be better than yesterday.

I know without a doubt that I am much better than I was six months and one day ago.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Days Like These

I crave days just like these.

To be able to walk hand in hand as we walk alongside each other.
To talk, to laugh & make plans.
To see the waves crash against the shores & my legs.
To feel the sand beneath my toes.
To pack a picnic & indulge in sweet strawberries, my favorite fruit.
To be at my happy place.

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To see the world around you come alive after a dreadful winter.
To hear the laughter of children & see dogs who appear as though they are smiling while their tongues hit the grass.
To sit outside & drink my favorite beverage while listening to live music.
To know that the warm weather is here to stay for a little while.
To be grateful to be able to have these moments & to treasure them.

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I crave days just like these.