Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Anniversary day trip.

This post is way overdue but I told myself that as long as it was posted the month of our anniversary, all was good.
Well, look at that; I made it. Barely.

We had completely different plans to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary but when Sean learned the news that one of his college friends had passed away we quickly scratched our plans and chose to say our final goodbyes.

Sean and I went to college together so when he showed me a picture of his friend I gasped because I remembered him. Sean had done a few reunions with him over the years but I always sat them out because I'm a strong believer that we all need one on one time with our own friends. His friend was one year ahead of me and I could clearly picture him around campus because he was one of those guys. The good looking guy who was so sure of himself, even at 20. I was so sad to see that at 35 he was gone but impressed with everything he had accomplished in his short years.

I know, I know, this is suppose to be a happy post but I guess some happy sprinkled with some reality is necessary sometimes.

Since we cancelled our plans we decided to do a day trip in the city since the funeral was 20 miles away from the city.

And we didn't do much. We walked, and we talked and we walked some more. We picked up a pretzel from a vendor and had a few drinks at Papillon. We called to make a reservation at Tao and luckily we could be seated with short notice.

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It wasn't anything extremely special but it was. I think there is nothing quite like seeing how quickly life can be taken away before celebrating big moments in life. It was a reminder that life won't always be this way. Things change. So when you're happy now inhale it. Let it bathe you. These happy memories are what will sustain me years from now. The memories that sustain me now.

I have moments when I look at Sean and just think, man, I'm so ridiculously grateful for you. Because I am. We didn't just celebrate 7 years, we celebrated life, each other and right now. Because tomorrow, tomorrow, you just never know.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Thanksgiving 2016

This Thanksgiving was different, not necessarily in a bad way but in a very quiet way. I am so use to waking up abruptly to the noise of my alarm clock along with a hint of urgency to get up fast, pack things and get on the road. This Thanksgiving I woke up slowly and leisurely. I was in no rush and it felt kinda nice to just wake up at my own pace. I sat down in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and made a to-do list of things to accomplish that day.

Our menu was turkey, stuffing with dried cranberries, baked broccoli, corn, mashed potatoes and corn muffins. Sean had to reel me in a bit because I wanted to make so much more and he had to keep on reminding me that I'm cooking for just two. I'm glad he did that because even with taking all of that into consideration we have leftovers for days, maybe even weeks.

I missed the commotion. I missed the noise. I missed my niece and nephew running like maniacs from room to room. I missed cooking with my sisters in a kitchen not made to fit us all. I missed my family. But when we sat down to eat and Sean told me that he was grateful for me and the fact that I chose to spend it with him that way he could have Thanksgiving too (he works on Thanksgiving Day) it made it all worth it.

We played music, ate too much and we laughed before he left for work. And while I won’t say that it was my favorite Thanksgiving Day, I will say that it was special and it was different and I liked it.

I love any excuse to take out the china we received at my bridal shower from my sister, Emma. I would love to take it out more often but they tend to come out only during the holidays. I kept our table very simple with just a few pumpkins to ensure there was enough room to fit all the food that I prepared. Here’s a few pictures of my Thanksgiving day. One thing that is certainly missing from other recaps is the beautiful faces that I'm lucky enough to call family.

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This year I’ve had so much time to contemplate on everything. I feel like I’ve never been surer of who I am and what I want. This year was not the best. I can’t remember my last good year if I’m to be honest but this year I’ve seen more growth in who I am and what I want out of this life. I’m thankful that with pain comes growth and with growth comes understanding.

I hope that you all had wonderful Thanksgivings! ♥
Now time to start that Christmas decorating! Can't believe how quickly that came!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving ♥

I can't remember the last time I spent Thanksgiving without my family. To be honest, I believe this year will be the first. I seriously thought it wouldn't be such a big deal but right now I'm feeling a little bit of sadness that I won't be celebrating with my family this year. In order to cheer me up a bit, I'm sharing a few of my favorite pictures from Thanksgiving's past.

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Wishing you all amazing Thanksgivings celebrating with those you love.
I hope you know that today and everyday you have so much to be thankful for ♥.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Message in the Sky.

Three weekends ago, my parent’s church held a one year memorial service for my mom. I was not thrilled about it if I’m to be honest. It is like when a wound is not yet healed and you puncture it again. I just wasn’t ready. But in the end I decided that I would put my feelings aside and honor my mom once again.

On our drive to the service, which was held in the Bronx, my sister texted us a picture of a literal heart in the sky. She said that my niece was saying, “There’s a heart in the sky” but she thought she was just using her imagination. My niece was adamant so she finally looked up and sure enough, there it was, a heart in the sky. She quickly took a picture and sent it to us. At the moment I received the text I was on the verge of tears. It is quite possible that at the exact moment we all needed something, anything, to put our hearts at ease. I truly believed that my mom was telling us to not have our hearts be so heavy. And for us to know that she was there comforting us, loving us and watching over us. She wanted us to know that we are not going through this pain alone.



Talk about perfect timing. I needed that heart in the sky and she knew it.

After the service we were driving home and the heart in the sky was no longer imprinted in my mind and the heaviness was taking over my heart and mind. And then the most beautiful sunset began to appear and it seemed to linger on longer than I had ever seen one linger. At first I simply told Sean how beautiful it was and then soon I was staring in awe because it just began to get more and more beautiful. And I believe it was yet another sign from my mom. I don't think she could have been any louder.

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Ever since my mom passed away I feel like she has been using the sky to talk to me. The day after she passed away a double rainbow (I had never seen one before!) appeared. And I remember me appreciating the beauty so much and feeling instant joy. I don’t know if she knew while she was alive that I have a thing for the sky. If I could tell you the amount of sky pictures I have you would find me crazy. She has found a way to communicate with me when I’m at my lowest and I could not be more grateful.