Thursday, November 29, 2012

When Saying Sorry Is Not Enough

Last night, I said something to Sean that the moment it came out of my mouth I wish I could take it back. It was hurtful, disgusting, mean and so unlike me. The worst part is that the situation didn’t even call for it. I think it was bad timing. Just a combination of things from work that when I got home I just blew up.

To make matters worst, just minutes prior Sean and Izabella stood in our sunroom eagerly awaiting my arrival from work.

And then I blew up. Over the silliest thing.

I regret it so bad because I hurt Sean deeply. And the moment I saw his face I knew it. And immediately the tears starting to fall down my face because why would I do that? Why would I say such a thing to the love of my life? It doesn't help that I know he would never say such a thing to me.

That moment made me feel that maybe I am taking my husband for granted. Maybe I feel that he is always going to be around. Maybe I know that he will love me even if I treat him poorly. But it’s not OK. It was not OK. It was horrible and I feel so ashamed.

It’s awful because as I write this post, tears are falling down my face. That is how much I regret what I said.

I guess, I’m writing this in hopes that Sean will read this and see that I know that I’m not perfect. And that I know that I was disgusting and mean. That I know that sorry is not enough. That I know that I can’t take out my frustrations on him. That I love and honor him. That I wish I could take it back. That I know that my behavior was not that of a Godly wife. That I hope that he knows that by me putting it out there, not only am I apologizing to him, I’m letting others know of my faults. And that I’m completely awed that he loves me despite of them.

Babe, I’m so sorry. I owe it to you big time. And I’ll even let you squeeze my behind in public. Yes, I’m that sorry.

39 comments:

Carolyn said...

:( I hate when stuff like this happens!

love jenny xoxo said...

everyone loses their head in the heat of the moment sometimes... but it is the worst

sending good thoughts to you two

THE mom said...

I think we've all been there...that one time :-( Y'all will be fine. Love you lots!

Brittany said...

Oh Faith, you poor sweet thing. I can relate...I said something really mean to Zach on the way home from the hospital and have felt awful ever since. Just remember that Sean loves you and will forgive you...that's the beauty of a strong relationship. Those hard times and regretful moments only strengthen what you already have. Smile, pretty lady! He loves you. :)

YeamieWaffles said...

Awww Faith, don't be beating yourself up about it honey, honestly he'll be fine when he gives it a good lot of thought because he really loves you. Like you said he'll love you even if you do treat him badly which while it maybe isn't fair means that when he sees you're sorry it won't matter. You're not a bad wife. You're a wonderful wife and you have shown him time and time again how much he means to you and he's done the same for you as well.

I don't know what you said but don't beat yourself up about it. He knows you love him and when you tell him he'll know that you're sorry. Hopefully things get sorted out, I hate reading about you being upset.

Kay said...

*hug* We all have those moments. We're only human right. *hugs*

Cece said...

I got a little teary when I read this (and it's not just because I'm having a bad day at work). I may not have ever been in that particular situation but there have been many times that I've been mean, irritable and selfish towards my husband. Moments when I feel really ugly and sad that I'm not being a better wife when I have such an amazing husband. We all make mistakes. Not a single one of us is perfect. He knows you love him. Maybe the hurt will take a little time to heal but it will and your relationship will continue to be just as strong as ever. You are a good wife and you are a good person. He knows that. Feel better.

The Pink Growl said...

Oh I hate this! It does happen to everyone though so try not to beat yourself up about it. At least you knew it was wrong and hurtful and are trying to make it right.

Kirsten Wiemer said...

i'm sure sean knows your sorry. and i know it doesn't feel like enough, but later it will be. he loves you, and thats all that matters.

i can be the same way, sometimes i wish i just had a filter for a few seconds so i could think before i speak.

i hope you have a happy day lady.

K

Sarah said...

Hopped over from somewhere and I LOVE your colors! Great blog. :)

Estilo Hedónico said...

Amazing post! :)
Would you like to follow each other?!

http://www.facebook.com/estilohedonico
http://estilohedonico.blogspot.pt/

xoxo

Jess @ Pretty Physicist said...

I swear ... you must have been in my house Sunday night, because the exact same thing happened at my house. I still feel so bad about it. If you need to talk, I'm here.

The Sweetest Thing said...

You are so sweet. If I did a post for every comment I made while in a hot temper tantrum - my blog would be famous haha. You are precious, Faith!

Tenecia said...

Remember that you are only human and we have all acted out of character *hugs*

T.

Whitney said...

Faith! I just got a little teary eyed reading this. I hate to hear that you feel sad! I have been in this situation and it is awful. Just remember that Sean loves you more than anything in the world, he knows it was just your stress/work day talking and not the real Faith. He knows you love him. Make him a nice dinner and talk about happy things! It will be ok!

Kristen said...

Aw try not to beat yourself up about it Faith. I'm sure he knows how sorry you are and that you didn't really mean it. We all snap sometimes, but those that love us will stick around despite that. :)

Amber said...

Faith you are preaching to the choir!!!! I think it happens to everyone, you say something in the heat of the moment and you feel horrible that it came out that way. Sending you a huge air hug!

Travel_The_World said...

Awww....this seems so heart felt. I am sure Sean knows how sorry you are. We've all been there and done that and not everyone is big enough to know they need to apologize.

Kathy C. said...

aww.. Faith. It's ok. We all say things we don't mean to those we love. But when you have that "forever" type of love, like you and Sean do... forgiveness comes just as easily. Praying you guys cross this bridge quickly and get back to the McLovin' phase again. :)

Kallee Mae said...

I think this happens to EVERYONE! Hopefully he can see no one is perfect and let it go!
Kal
www.kalleemae.blogspot.com

Nancy said...

Guilty of this before. Hugs to both of you.

Danielle said...

Ooh Faith...we are soul sisters! I had a moment just like this two weeks ago and I still feel badly about it. Although Ashish may be over it, I will never forget it. Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect. Owning it is half the battle and you did just that! Hang in there! This may not be the last time that this happens (I mean, you going to live to be 100yrs old), use it as a stepping stone to a marriage that already has a great foundation! XOXO!

Montaya said...

I think everyone has a moment like that at least once in there marriage. I know that feeling and it's not fun when it happens :( sending hugs your way

ruthy ann said...

I've done this too...asking for forgiveness is a humbling thing. Hope things are better soon faith!

Eesh said...

Oh sweetheart, it will work out soon. We all at some point tend to take things out on our significant other. I can't even count the amount of times that I gave the honey a taste of someone else's medicine. You can only apologize and hope that time helps. Eventually, he'll come around. He knows you didn't mean it and he loves you dearly to even let that cause a rift between you two.

xx

Laurie @ Keepin' up with the Scardinas said...

It's amazing how much we take for granted the ones that mean the most to us isn't it? These situations always work themselves out though. I know my hubs and I have had our shares of hurtful comments that we wish we could take back. I think sometimes we forget to treat our spouses like..well, our spouses. We end up treating them like our punching bags since we have nobody else to take our frustrations out on. It happens to the best of us girl. I know things will work out for you and you'll get past it:)

Steph said...

I'm so sorry this situation happened and that it has caused you both so much pain, but I completely get it. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my life, my work, and all the things I'm stressed about that I don't take the time to show my husband how much I love and appreciate him. It's real life, and it's all about recognizing our faults and doing our best to correct them. The fact that your mistake hit you so hard just shows how much love you guys have in your relationship. It will pass, and you two will be stronger for it. Stay positive and just show him how much you really love him. It will all work out!

Mrs JK said...

Awww Faith, u seem like such a fun and bubbly person, it really is sad to have to read a post when u are unhappy. We all, im sure say things we don't mean from time to time (sadly), and i'm sure with the forever love that u and Sean have, he'll come round. And if he reads your comments too, Sean, i suggest you do as much behind squeezing as u can ;). Hope u feel better soon!

redwhitebride said...

awww... i know this happens sometimes, sadly... but i hope this is the thing that would make us realize how human we are and that we need to appreciate our spouses even more for being there for us regardless. knowing you, i am sure this happens a lot less to you than me :)

LWLH said...

I think alot of us have been in that predicament. Hugs to you my love and I hope Sean forgives....really who couldnt love that face.

Amy said...

You are not alone Faith. We all do things we regret. The important thing is to apologize, accept your hubby's forgiveness and move on. Don't dwell on the negative but learn from this experience. Your marriage will be stronger because in the future you will both be cognizant of not saying things you don't mean in the heat of the moment. Hugs to you!

Nylse said...

In my day we didnt have blogs to capture our feelings and hoped our spouses read them...so I beat myself up and ultimately opened my mouth (most times).
So I think you'll be all right. The love of a good man can withstand our human foibles (i dont know where that word came from) but dont take it for granted.

lori said...

we all have been there at one point or another. sometimes i get so disgusted at myself for being so mean and ungrateful. i am sure sean forgives you and knows that it was simply a moment of frustration and stress built up that caused you to say hurtful things.

Monica Pitts said...

I agree that sometimes we get comfortable and take our husbands for granted. We should never do that. We must always honor them and show them respect just as we would want them to do with us. :) I am glad you acknowledged your faults and apologized. We all have those kind of days and you just let it get the best of you but the great thing is that you acknowledged it and hopefully have moved on. Thanks for sharing.

Megan said...

This is so honest of you to share with all of us. I think that this happens to the best of us and we can only learn from it and try not to do it again. I've definitely been there. Love you, friend.

Tami said...

Sometimes sorry is not enough, but feeling remorse and regret usually is. We all have weak moments. It's just if they go unacknowledged- then there is a bigger issue. You are an amazing wife Faith.

Kasey Lynne said...

Oh Faith, I am so sorry! I wish that I could take that moment and erase it! But Sean loves you more than life itself and he WILL see that you did not mean to hurt him and he WILL forgive you. We all get caught up in those moments...I definitely do. My job can turn my attitude from great to a huge b**** in the matter of seconds and I catch myself taking it out on Sam when I get home later that night.

But our husbands love us no matter what and they will forgive us for the stupid and hurtful things we say.

I'm sorry girl! Thinking of you!

Elle to Elle said...

This is such a beautifully written post. We've all been there but I just love how you apologized on here so that he knew JUST how truly sorry you were. I'm taking notes....because I get moody alot. :) (oh and no I don't say mean things when I'm moody....only when I'm past moody, which may be once a year :/)

Desi said...

It happens to the best of us. And for you to be able to show your true colors to him shows how comfortable you are with him and that you can just be your true self with him, the good and the bad. We are lucky to have these wonderful men who love us despite our moodiness and flaws at time.