Thursday, September 15, 2016

Dear Mom.

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Mom, I'm missing you more and more each day. I miss being able to pick up the phone and hear your voice. I miss the expression you would make on your face if I had gained a "few" pounds. I miss that question you would always ask me, "Have you been eating the junks food? Yes, you added an "s" to the word junk and I would always pretend that I didn't hear your question but the answer is yes. I most certainly was eating junk food with an "s".

There is a memory that always comes back to me when I need a good laugh. It wasn't so funny at the time but it is so funny to me now. I remember that day I was walking with my girlfriends. I believe I was in the 6th grade. I was allowed to have candy but only on special occasions and I knew that. But that day I must have decided I was too cool for school and well you weren't going to see me and what you didn't know wouldn't hurt me. So I went into that bodega around the corner from school and picked up a blue raspberry laffy taffy for five cents.

I remember popping the candy in my mouth as I was walking out the bodega and just savoring the sweetness, chewiness and stickiness. It was perfect. The moment ended abruptly because all of a sudden I could see you. Maryanna had just started kindergarten that week and you had just picked her up from school and were both walking home. I pretended I didn't see the both of you and turned my head and began walking quickly in the opposite direction. I also began to furiously chew the candy but it was sticking to my teeth. What was just so great moments before was not so great as the candy was just too chewy and sticky.

I had no choice but to chew wide and with my mouth slightly open to quickly erase any evidence of this candy. But it was too late, you had seen me. You called my name and I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned around. My girlfriends looked at me not understanding the danger. They were like, it's your mom and I was like, I'm in trouble. They didn't understand because in their minds I had not done anything wrong. Little did they know.

I walked over to my mom with my girlfriends closely following behind me. My mom greeted my friends and then simply asked me if I was eating candy. I tried to save myself and shook my head no. She asked me to open my mouth. I knew that I no longer had candy in my mouth because I had swallowed it. I confidently opened my mouth and even stuck out my tongue because in my fear I must have forgotten that the laffy taffy had turned my tongue blue. To this day, I can clearly picture my mom's hand coming up and it slapping my face. Hard. Imagine my shock. My little sister Maryanna was shocked and to this day she laughs about it. But my girlfriends were more shocked. They were convinced that I had done something else. It was hard for them to believe that I had been smacked because of candy. I knew that I had been smacked for two reasons. Eating candy when it wasn't a special occasion and lying about eating said candy.

After the smack heard around the world my mom took my sister's hand and continued to walk home. I followed quickly behind them. After that I only had candy that didn't color my tongue. Lesson learned ;).

I remember watching you cook dinner for us in the summer, without any air conditioner and thinking you were a little crazy. There was no way I was going to do that when I got older but here I am and I do the exact same thing. I'm less crazy because I have central air but while I was cooking up a storm last Sunday on a really nice, hot day it got me thinking how much I am like you.

I am a great listener like you were. I'm loving like you were. I'm definitely as stubborn as you were and I also talk with my hands like you did. So days when it hurts the most that you're gone, I'm happy to see that there is still so much of you inside of me. And because of that I know that you'll never be gone from me. When I need you, all I have to do is dig deep within myself and bits of you appear. I'm grateful that although you were taken the memories of you remain. There's solace in knowing that.

So tomorrow, if sadness comes, I'll remember your laugh. I'll remember your smile. I'll remember your soft voice and your warm hug. And I'll remember that every single time I asked you, "What's up?" You always replied, "The sky."

14 comments:

Joy B. E. said...

Beautiful memories. Sending virtual hugs your way!

misskirwan said...

Lord be your strength. X

Sharon Verrett said...

http://saverrmarriage.com

I love all the treasured stories of your mom. They are truly treasures you will forever have in the treasure box of your heart.
I had to laugh at the sticky candy story. I always told my daughter, God has a special connection with parents. Whenever she'd attempt to go against my wishes, God always, somehow would reveal it to me, by me being in the right place at the right time or something that was unintentional said by someone, etc.
As time goes on and as you age, you will see her in the mirror as well.
Continue to find comfort. ;)

saverrmarriage.com

Sharon Verrett said...

http://saverrmarriage.com

I love all the treasured stories of your mom. They are truly treasures you will forever have in the treasure box of your heart.
I had to laugh at the sticky candy story. I always told my daughter, God has a special connection with parents. Whenever she'd attempt to go against my wishes, God always, somehow would reveal it to me, by me being in the right place at the right time or something that was unintentional said by someone, etc.
As time goes on and as you age, you will see her in the mirror as well.
Continue to find comfort. ;)

saverrmarriage.com

The Pink Growl said...

Some days the feelings of missing them is just too much! I am struggling with some of that these days too. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Faith!

Desiree Macke said...

Thank you for sharing such special memories of your mom. It's funny how some of the things we look back on, that weren't so great at the time, brings smiles and lessons to the present day.
Sending hugs and lifting prayers for comfort.

Ashley Porter said...

<3 <3 <3

Cece @Mahogany Drive said...

You will always have those wonderful memories. Thanks for sharing them with us.

Laura Darling said...

She sounds like she was such a wonderful lady! I think today you should have some blue taffy in her honor! :)

Tomes Edition said...

I love that you take so many pics because you could always look back and re-live those precious moments. Memories to last a lifetime.

Law_Fal said...

:) a smack heard around the world and memories that will last a lifetime

Nylse Esahc said...

I have joined this club.

Pegster said...

So beautiful, I am so happy that you have great memories of your mom and with your mom that you will get to cherish forever. I can't even imagine how you feel but I know I would be lost without my mom so I know this must be hard for you. ((HUGS))

Emily Jane said...

<3 Love you Faith. I love that so much of her is in you. I'm sure each of your sisters carry a piece of her too. (and I can't believeeee she slapped you- but I know she was going to command respect).