If You Want To Know ... Now You Do

Well hello lovelies! How've you been? It feels good to be back. I missed my blog. Almost as much as I've missed many of yours. I'm kinda excited to be back to catch up with all of you. I tried a few days to get into it but I just read and hardly commented. But it was OK because technically I wasn't coming back, just yet.

Many of you think/thought I took a blog break because I was pregnant. Let it be known to you all that I am not pregnant. Let me say it again, WE ARE NOT PREGNANT! We are also not trying at this time to become pregnant.

Yes, I did get overwhelmed but there were also a few things in my mind that had me a bit distracted, that I couldn’t just blog like everything was alright.

I have always been a healthy chica. Not that I’m not right now but I’ve never had any issues with my health. I’ve never stayed at the hospital for more than a few hours and it was because I was visiting someone. I’ve just been so blessed that I have parents that pray hardcore for me day and night.

Well, a little over a month ago my body was not acting the way it normally does. I should have noticed something earlier than that but life gets in the way and you don’t pay attention to every single detail. And honestly, I wasn’t feeling any differently.

Well, I paid a visit to my doctor and come to find out I have fibroids. Large ones at that. I instantly became sad and actually cried like a BIG sloppy baby on Sean’s shoulder after my abdomen ultrasound. I cried because I have heard about fibroids. Don’t get me wrong, I know I was not diagnosed with something big like cancer {so don’t get all high and mighty on me} but whenever you hear that something might be wrong with you, everything just seems so big.

Fibroids are most common in African and Black American women. I mean, can’t we catch a break! Ha, kidding. Kinda. See? I still have a sense of humor.

I have five fibroids and I can get them shrunken {because they are pretty big} but the medication would make my body feel like it is going through menopause. This obviously won’t be good because one day Sean and I would like to try for babies. And most women going through menopause are not carrying babies in their wombs.

Another option I have is that I can get them removed {it is some medical procedure that I can't pronounce or spell} but that isn’t the best option unless I was 55 and was not planning on trying for kids. We all know I am not 55 and we are childless.

There are other options but no need to bore you or myself with them.

So, there has been a lot of praying around these parts because well, I have more chances of having a miscarriage or not being able to carry to full term. It seems that for some darn awful reason the pregnancy hormones will make my fibroids grow in size which will not be good for a growing baby. You know those tiny beings need space in that little space but damn fibroids are taking up room.

It is funny because becoming pregnant has never been on my mind as it is now. Because now I think about whether I would be able to have babies or not. I have Faith {no pun intended} and I know friends that have given birth to healthy babies but when that possibility of not having kids comes into play, your mind begins to play tricks on you and that is all you can think about.

I’ve been praying. Sean has been praying. My family is praying.

When the time comes I am confident that it will work out. I can’t let these thoughts control my mind. Control my life. And I won’t be forcing us to start trying now just to see what happens. I just figured I should let you know just to make sure that you aren’t eying all my pictures trying to find a bump. If there is a bump it is just because of all the extra ice cream and Chinese food I’ve been consuming.

#fatty, #not pregnant.

Oh and those damn fibroids.

And it’s funny, life isn’t always sunshine, it isn’t always going to be what we thought it would be, but I still feel that I have it all. The devil can’t take that away from me.