Thursday, January 17, 2013

Stupid Clock.

So it seems that because my sister popped out a baby, I should be popping one out soon. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Yes, I cried my eyes out when I first laid eyes on my niece but I did that when I first laid eyes on my nephew; 3 years ago.

I think I’ve shared this before but I haven’t really gone into depth about the fear. The fear of bringing children into the world. As most Christians I hate to say the word fear, but it happens to the best of us. I can admit it.

When Sean and I got married in 2009, I was certain that at our 2nd anniversary we would start trying for children.

The time came quickly. I was surprised by how quickly it came. I had to have a deep conversation with Sean that it could not happen. The time was not right. I was not ready. I could not do it. I, I, I. Poor Sean.

But he was fine with it. I think he was fine because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wasn’t ready either.

I said within 3 years of marriage I’ll be ready, we’ll be ready. 3 years happened in November and well, history repeated itself. I’m coming up with so many excuses that I can’t even keep up anymore. I’m not even really sure why I’m coming up with excuses.

This time around Sean doesn’t seem to be enjoying my reluctance. In fact, he actually had the nerve asked me if I just didn’t want his babies. Um, are you kidding me? Our babies will be cuuuute. At least they better be. He better have been kidding when he asked me that, but I still let him know that of course I want to be his baby mama.

So what is this fear I’m feeling?

I worry about knowing that I will be responsible for another person. The type of power parents hold is beyond anything I can imagine. Down to how your child is raised, eats, thinks, etc. It’s all up to you. I fear that I’m not ready for that. And then the thought that you may one day lose a child. Yeah, I don’t even want to get into that.

I fear that Sean’s and I’s relationship will change. Right now it is so good that I worry that a child will change things. I mean, I know in my heart that it won’t but my head is playing these games with me. No one plays better games with me than my head.

How much longer can I tell Sean, “Babe, I just don’t want to be pregnant on vacation” “I need to be in better shape”? Not much longer because it isn’t really the truth. Its just been covering the real feelings that I don't want to utter out loud.

The thing is that I want to have children. I want to see a little Faith dressed in leopard print running around or a little Sean rocking out to Slayer, but when the time rolls around, I freak out. I’m almost thinking that Sean is going to “accidentally” get me pregnant. And you know what? Maybe he should. Maybe then I won’t be able to think about it anymore.

Are any of you feeling the same way or do you think that I’m freaking crazy? Actually if you think I'm crazy, keep it to yourself because I will come over to your space and show you crazy. Kidding. Kinda.

I see women and friends that have been married for less years than me and are on their merry way to two children or already have two! Ahh, maybe this year I’ll be all out of excuses. It’s not like I’m 21 or something. I've been told that my clock is ticking.

Stupid clock.

60 comments:

Jess @ Pretty Physicist said...

I think you might be feeling how Ken is feeling. My biological clock has been "ticking" since before our 5th anniversary (and we're a couple months from 6), but he just isn't ready. If you wait for everything to be perfect or ready, you'll never have a baby. In my opinion, you make the best of it. But that's me. :)

Tenecia said...

I'm a mother of an 11 year old and I am still fearful about raising her. What if I screw up? What if I don't teach her all of the things she needs to know? What if she hates me? Yep, all questions I ask myself!

I never wanted to be a mom (or even wife) - it wasn't on "MY PLAN" but God had a different plan and you know what, I'm so happy-thankful-and blessed that he did.

Stop overthinking it - let that man knock you up - and pop out some gorgeous babies :)


T.

love jenny xoxo said...

I felt the same way... it's so scary! We were planning on waiting a little because I wanted one more summer of fun but surprise! I think it was just time, and now I'm very excited. Things will work out, just try not to stress and over think things.

love jenny XOXO

Carolyn said...

I totally know what you mean. Every time I see a baby, I think "OMG I WANT ONE!" but then I get nervous that we're not ready. I honestly don't think you'll ever feel all the way ready. The fact that you're already worried about your child's safety means that you're going to be a great mommy! And Sean+Faith babies will for sure be ADORABLE!!

Life After the Aisle said...

Girl I am RIGHT there with you!! 3 years is approaching quickly! (march!!!) The Husband and I had a serious talk the other night and we just have to rip the proverbial bandaid off and just try. I'm terrified - what if my child doesn't like me? what if I'm not a good mother? what if i'm not as excited as everyone else seems to be? But then I talk to the women at work who say they are still scared and some of them have 20 year olds! There will never be the perfect time; you just have to let go and let God.

Nylse said...

Your fears seem reasonable, and if its any consolation i think alot of women feel the way you do, but they just stop thinking about it and do.
You may be overthinking this - anytime i overthink something i am paralyzed and do absolutely nothing...ugh.
Glad you shared. if you are to have children, it will happen in God's time. And with all the fears keep in mind children are indeed a blessing. xoxox

Angela said...

Have some Faith in yourself Faith you will be a fantastic Mummy! No one is ever prepared for parenthood even the ones who say 'I'm ready!'
My mom was just a teen and she managed :)
My stupid clock is ticking very loudly too now and I've yet to get the engagement ring, lol xx

Kirsten Wiemer said...

i know what you mean. i mean i am 22, so i just don't feel i am mature enough and i'm not. but i completely know what you mean. while i understand fear is not what we want, fear is not from God its hard to remember that and then actually put it into action.

i think that you would be the best mom around, honestly. its hard to think of yourself as a grown up, but i think you would seriously be an amazing mother. once it happens, i think you will know what to do, you instincts will kick in and you can do it. but i completely get the way you feel, its understandable (not that im knowledgeable about any of this) but you just have to trust yourself.

i know things will work, just relax and let it happen when it happens.

K

Law_Fal said...

Sigh. Clocks. I try to tune mine out. Especially since I'm not even married yet, and already said hello to 30.... I think when the time is right it will happen & you will be ready AND you will be a great baby mama ;-)

Abs said...

Stupid clock lol!!!! Go for it Faith.....With three of my own I don't think you can ever be completely ready :-)

Jennifer said...

Girl, you are so not crazy. It's a huge decision and there is a lot of wisdom in waiting until you're feeling more ready. Though really, nothing could ever prepare you for parenthood - just being honest! And it will change you - it will completely change the dynamics of your relationship and your marriage. But it has to in a way. We've had our ups and downs for sure since starting on this whole having kids thing, but our love has grown deeper and more intimate because of it.

I think you and Sean are building a wonderful foundation of love and security - when you do feel ready to take that leap, what a gift that will be to bring your child in to.

Enjoy your time and your life pre-children. Enjoy it to the fullest! It's a beautiful season of life. <3

Jasmine HellogmSunshine said...

I think what you're saying makes complete sense. It will happen when its supposed to - even if Sean has to do it accidentally. I don't have any - but I have always been told "you will never be ready" so I am sure that no matter when it happens, we really won't be ready.

Denise said...

It's ok to wait, especially if you're not ready! Enjoy your time with Sean because once those kids come, alone time is out of the question! I have one little boy and I'm even having a hard time having baby #2. My hubs wants one soooo bad and I'm just not ready! I'm there with ya girl :)

Mrs. H said...

It is scarey, the thoughts of raising a child, being responsible for someone else. Like a bloggerer I admire once wrote you're not just raising a child you're growing an adult and that's a lot of pressure. But at some point I think the joy of what it can brings calms the fears a bit. The fears never go away you just adjust and realize that its all worth it. To have this little person to give and receive unconditional love.
You'll know when you're ready. Its ok to wait. When you're ready you'll know cause the fears will still be there but a little voice is grow louder and louder inside of you saying "yeah I'm scared but ya know what I'm ready to try and that outweighs the fear".

YeamieWaffles said...

I'm with the feeling that whenever you actually want to have a child is when you should have one Faith. It's your body and your life and there should be no expectations put on you to have one although I can understand there is Sean's feelings to consider as well but this will be your choice.

At the same time I find it strange that it's the worries that you won't be a good mother that's preventing you over anything else. To me you seem like you're going to make a great mother, you're strong, your empathetic and you're loving. It's fine that you're not ready yet Faith and anybody who doesn't believe that is wrong but I know when it does happen you're going to do great, Sean as well, he would make a great father!

Danielle said...

Oh Faith, you will be a great mommy! Your fears are very rational. I truly think that had we not gotten pregnant "accidentally" we would still be waiting for the right time. Once you decide to stop trying to control it and just let it happen, you will have no regrets. I can't wait to see a little Faith running around. Pray about it!

Heather said...

I think your fears are perfectly reasonable...but I also think you should just go for it! I don't think it's ever the perfect time for babies. Your baby will make it the perfect time, if that makes sense. :) You will be an awesome mother! It is all in God's timing, that's how I look at it. That's how we got James. I wasn't ready till he was here and then it's like a flip got switched and I was in love and I really enjoy being a mommy now.

Emily Beth said...

I've been baby crazy all year (and longer). Every time I see a baby or that one of my friends on FB is pregnant, I get jealous and mad and cry. I've wanted to be a mom forever. My husband made my wait a year before we started trying, but that year is up and I have my green light. But do whats right for you sister, and be true to yourself.

Emily Beth

Samantha said...

They will definitely be cuuuute kids!

Highly Favored said...

Having a child I can imagine is an important life changing decision to make. You are blessed with a secure marriage and a husband that adores you.

josie renee said...

I think what you are feeling is totally reasonable.... but as one of the poster's said above, there is no perfect time. like ever. And yes, things will change... but from what I have read, you & Sean have a strong foundation -- a kid will likely only bring you guys closer.

xx

ruthy ann said...

girl you gotta do what feels right to you! but....not to persuade you or anything....you would have some gorgeous babies. :)

Life with J and J said...

Awww...you are normal and having normal feelings! I was the same way and things will change. There is no 2-way about it. It'll go from you and Sean to you, Sean and baby. Folks will call or "check up on you" just to hear/talk about the baby. BUT it is OK and it will become your new normal.
The first 2-3 weeks were not pleasant (and that's putting it mildly). But honestly, once you hit your strides, its just all on the up and up.
You'll fall more in love with the baby everyday and will love your husband even more for the role he played in bringing the baby into your lives.
Its OK to feel the way you do. Just remember that there are women out there who have (I felt the same way too) and now are enjoying motherhood.

Brandi @ Home Team Dreams said...

Aw, it's okay, Faith. I think your fears are real and valid. Honestly, they're not bad concerns to have because it means you're really thinking it through to make sure that you're ready to take on that new role of mom.

I have more of a fear that I will have children and then die, and not be able to be there for them. But my husband has many of the same fears that you have and it's been a rough ride here and there when we discuss the subject. But we can't let fear hold us back from one of the greatest joys of life, right?

When the time is right, it will happen- for us both!! :)

Carlee said...

I totally understand how you feel! It's a big decision, and scary. For me, the curiosity of seeing what a person that was part my husband and part myself would look/be like ended up outweighing all the fear.

But I still feel scared about being a parent. Ultimately I just try to trust that God will walk with me every step of the way and that if He's got us, I can't screw the kid up too much, right!? ;)

Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama said...

First your babies will be GAWGUS, like stunning, don't ever doubt.

Second, Can I tell you there is NO right time?!I didn't wait. I was terrified of being responsible for another human, Hell I had never even changed a diaper, and when they handed my oldest to me I loved holding him but I wanted to give him back to the nurse because I was afraid I was going to drop him...I say all of this because there is simply not a right time, ever. It will however, be the best thing you ever do, but I think you know that already.

Adrienne said...

Faith!!! Throughout reading this whole post, I kept thinking I was maybe reading my own blog! ;) I am in the same shoes as you! I'm terrified! For all the same reasons you are. And I, too, love how Matt and I are now. And am afraid a baby will take him away from me... (Whhhaaaatttt?? We all know that baby will love me more anyway! HA HA!!!) I get baby fever over the clothes, nurseries and accessories. But when I see them crying or screaming or doing whatever they want because their parents are exhausted, I freak. I stress. I get annoyed. But I know they are just kids. And they are a miracle. And to think, I thought I wanted kids by the age of 25. I'm going on 29 and I still don't think I'm ready... ;)

Kay said...

It's so refreshing to hear another married woman openly discuss her reluctance to start having children. I've honestly felt so much pressure from everyone EXCEPT for the husband to have kids. I think what you're feeling is completely normal. You and your husband SHOULD enjoy this quiet time you have together. I think, more often than not, people don't put enough thought and consideration into one of the biggest decisions of their lives.

Cece said...

First of all nobody has to have kids. I think people forget that sometimes. It is actually a choice. I'd say that voice in your head that makes you hold off could mean that you don't want kids but you clearly stated "I want kids" not "I'm not sure if I want kids." I think that voice is a good thing. It ensures that you are truly considering having a child and not just doing it because everybody else is or because you feel you should. The darn clock dictates that you don't have all the time in the world but don't rush just because of that. If you aren't ready don't and if you are supposed to have children you will.

Kaity said...

Girl- I hear you! In theory, I want kiddos, but when I actually sit down and think about being responsible for this tiny little human life- it terrifies me! I feel so incredibly inadequate and NOT AT ALL maternal.

I don't have any advice to give, just trust in God's timing :)

Nancy said...

I think you are so smart!! You are in LOVE & want to spend time with him! Having kids changes LOTS of things, and believe it or not, I think you will fall even MORE in love with him once you see him as the Daddy to your babies!!!
Go with your gut, friend. You know your body, your feelings & I know Sean wants what you want!

Jessica said...

There is always a reason to not do something, but if we let our excuses and fears led us, we will do nothing.

Susannah said...

I'm sorry you're feeling fear! I feel as though when the time is right, a couple knows. Maybe the time just isn't right yet.

Jasmine said...

I think that if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, it'll never come.

Sean and I have talks all the time about similar things. I feel I'm ready to have a baby, and while I don't think my clock is ticking I definitely feel pressure from people around me who are either asking when it'll happen or THEY keeping having kids and want their kids to have playmates! Sean, on the other hand, wants a few more years to get ready, pay down debt, be in our 20's, etc.

I think to each their own. People are different, relationships are different, and so on. Kids are scary, being responsible for a life is scary, but I honestly think something must click when it happens and you just KNOW what you're supposed to do and what is best for your child.

Good luck! :)

Katie said...

i am sure you are not alone! I had planned to start trying a year or so before we did b/c I thought I wasn't ready. I've realized that things will never be perfect timing and it will always be a big adjustment. BUT I also think that you should enjoy your marriage for years and work on just being together first - you're future family will benefit from that!

Andrea said...

First take a deep breath!!

Yes being a parent is lots of responsibility, but is one of the greatest pleasure any human can have if they desire kids.
Let me tell you a bit about me:


I had my lil lady at 15yrs old, I was turning 16 two months later. To say I was freaked out is an understatement.I struggled with the obvious talk of so many others and even my own insecurities. But even at that age when I held her in my arms it was all the confidence I needed to be a good mother. I grew up quickly, I learned many lessons along the way, I listened to all the advice offered to me and only took what I felt made sense to me. I had the same fears of how to guide a child into adulthood, how to decide her relgious future, how to handle her education, other people she is exposed to, the list is endless. The best advice I received was handle them as they come. I took that advice to heart and am proud to say that I have a lovely 12year old daughter who has survived being born to a young mother and still is. She has great personality, assertive when she needs to be, educationally solid,well rounded with sports,dramatic arts and dance,loving and respectful. Now she is not a perfect child but she is pretty amazing considering all the horrible predictions others made and even my own crazy thoughts. I made it and contuine to even with her going into her teenage years.(some one pray for me please, lol)

If you really want to be a mom, then let it happen. There truly is no perfect time to have a child as nothing will ever be 100% ready nor will you ever have all the answers you seek to all your questions. Most of those answers your child will dictate to you by there own actions. You will start to see there personality and certain answers will become clear as crystal. Have confidence in yourself and your capabilities as a God fearing loving human being and you will be just fine :-)

http://got2bewise.blogspot.com/

Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessi Francis said...

Praying for you as you make decisions about the plans that the Lord will have for your family's life!

Jin said...

you are so raw and I love it! I appreciate the fact that you are so honest and open. I'm not married yet but the thought of having children freaks me out. I've heard so many horror stories about how it ruins marriages and what if I'm not a good mother? I'm sure that tons of women feel the same way, but they are just afraid to admit it.
I think that Sean just needs to take matters into his own hands...hide your BC etc lol

Emily Gilbert said...

Well as someone who randomly got knocked up by a boyfriend, & was even left to be a single mom, I will say that my son has been a HUGE blessing, and the fact that you have your husband by your side, I know you two would make great parents. It can be overwhelming, but the main thing with kids is stay in the moment with them & enjoy them. They pay attention to more what you do than what you say. <3

Christine said...

I hear ya and know those concerns well. What's crazily amazing though is how quickly those fears subside once you have a baby. You fall head over heels in love, and what's just as wonderful is getting to watch your spouse fall head over heels in love too :). Don't you worry about other people's time frames though! Do it in your own time :)

The Mrs./The Mom said...

Dang! You got a huge support system girl! I just wanted to say that I am BEYOND terrified of having to bury a child. So much so that I considered not having anymore. I feel like I can't protect them enough. You aren't alone. Talk it out with ASEAN and tell him your fears, then he'll tell you something to make you laugh :)

doll (retired blogger) said...

i think you will be a fantastic mom!!!!!! from your blog post i see love, kindness and goodness shine through.

Your family as well will also be there to help you and i know you are so closely knit....


Plus you have God...

you'l be fine

redwhitebride said...

I feel you, faith! When it actually happens, I am sure you'll love every second of it and I am sure you'll be a great mommy!

Kristen said...

I know how exactly you feel. We also decided two years would be when we start trying, but I was so NOT ready. Ryan was ready the night we got married. lol Thankfully he's been supportive in waiting. I know he's ready to be a Dad, but I wasn't. A few months ago, I got to the point where I would be more ok with it than I would've been before. Which was huge for me.

And I know people say you will never be ready. And I know it's true. But YOU have to be at a point where you are sort of ready. Ya know? You have to want it to happen.

Ryan and I decided sometime this year we'll start (though idk when that'll be since I just got that job). And yes, it terrifies me. Especially since I've lost weight and I'll just be gaining it back. Also health wise, I am terrified for that. Not just for me, but for the baby. But God has your back, no matter what. Just trust in that.

Jemima said...

For me i think the fears are normal to a lesser or a greater degree depending on your temperament.. but i will say take a deep breath and 'do it afraid' anyway, you have God on your side and a great husband and family,for the record i think you would be a great mum, and its true that you are never quite ready i still look at my son and wonder that i m actually raising him right. Once you decide to take the plunge, magic happens, you will fall in love, it could be the instant when you realise you might be pregnant, or at the sight of the test results, or at the first ultra sound when you see that little heart beating away or when you feel the baby move inside you for the fist time or as late as when you actually hold the baby in your arms , it will happen and when it does, you never look back i promise, its the bestest feeling ever!..

Kathy C. said...

So glad you posted this Faith! Fear is definitely something we all go through, and many of us are never able to say it out loud. I was scared pantless when we talked about first having a baby... I thought the same things as you. The responsibility of raising a human seemed astronomical...on top of not knowing if we could even afford them! But a good friend of ours calmed me by simply saying, "You're never fully prepared to have a kid. And the fact that their blessings from God means that he'll provide you with the necessary tools to handle them". And He has! I won't sugar-coat it and say that my relationship with Matt has been the same... because it changed drastically. It had to. But we love each other and Avery in a different and stronger way. It's hard to explain, but I want you to know that you're not alone with your fear to start a family. But you have an amazing support system through your families...so you're in a better place than most first-time parents. :) Prayin' for ya! P.S. The idea of two babies is just as scary as the first lol.

Kathy C. said...

Oh...and your babies will be so freaking adorable...not to mention the luckiest to have such amazing and stylish parents!

Melissa said...

I have a child, so obviously I got over any fear I had, but I am terrified to have a second child! I'm going to do it (and we are going to start trying relatively soon) but I am so scared. I have no clue how I am going to handle 2 kids! My thinking though is that I am always going to be scared, so I need to just do it :P

Anyway, having a baby IS scary! I wanted my son badly, and I was so happy to be pregnant, but I am not going to lie to you, having a kid is hard. Your marriage will change, but for the most part it's for the better. At the beginning we really were focused on Landon rather than each other, and with me breastfeeding, I felt like that was all I did and I had no time/patience for anything else. I felt really guilty for months that I was ignoring my husband, but I told him that and he said he missed me, but understood this was only temporary and I felt a lot better. As L has gotten older, we've been able to spend more time alone together again, but it was hard at first. Having a baby changes everything, but it's really such a wonderful, amazing experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You seem like a good person and you and your husband seem to have a very strong marriage from what you write on here. I think when you're ready, that you will be a wonderful mother and your marriage will be just fine. Your child will have 2 loving parents and I'm sure he/she will grow up to be a great person :)

Desi said...

I have the same fears girl! I am ready on one hand, but not on the other! What about my counseling career that will start up in the next year or so? What about our kid-free relationship? What about my freedom? Knowing the right way to raise a kid and not mess them up? I just want to be the best mom I can be and my fear that I won't be just keeps getting in the way. But I know the time is never "right" and if I want to have 5 kids like I THINK I do, then I need to get started here soon! I just really struggle with the thought of sucking at being a mom. And I have my issues, so definitely don't want to pass them on to my child. There are things my parents did that I want to do and things they did that I definitely don't want to do, but at times again that fear overcomes me and makes me wonder if I'll just turn out like my dad and not have those nurturing parenting skills. But PJ and I do both want it so bad so I'm sure we will put all of our love and being into parenthood. I've gone off birth control and have been kinda wishing I would just get pregnant so I don't have to keep questioning when the right time is. And also there is also the idea in my head that when we ARE ready, we could have problems conceiving or it may take years to actually get pregnant. So that part of me wants to get started now! So conflicted! But at least we know we want children one day, that's a start! And we are on the same page as our men, another win. I think you and Sean will make great parents... you are the kindest soul and you have good values and morals, and a strong bond with your family so I can only imagine that your child will be immensely loved and adored. Sorry for that book I just wrote :)

Pegster said...

Faith - I had to read this over and over. I totally relate to those fears, I think that most people (women in general) go through it.

First - You are going to have amazingly beautiful babies no matter what because they are yours :).

Second - When you and Sean are ready those fears will dissipate like no other, you won't even recognize yourself. Baby fever will kick in and it will be on :)

Third - The fact that you have these fears mean that you will be a great parent, seriously you are concerned about your possible kids welfare and you actually are thinking this through

Fourth - When you start you won't be able to stop..heheheheheh. jk, I think that's just me :).

Good luck to you and Sean. Disregard the clock, it's not ticking. You have plenty of time to get where you need.

jessica renee said...

We were honestly 90% sure we didn't want kids and when my dr told me it may never happen for me we decided that was a sign that we made the right decision. Then lo and behold, I got pregnant. Completely out of nowhere. It couldn't have happened at a worse time (hey, I'm being honest here) but we made it work and since she was born, it has been nothing short of amazing. We are so incredibly happy with our girl and feel like she's all we'll ever need. Sure, it's harder to get time alone with Ronnie and sometimes I just want to scream, cry and go sleep away from my house for at least 12 hours ;) but those moments are fleeting and the rest of the time, I'm on cloud 9 spending time with my little family. If you know y'all want kids and can financially handle it, I say just be open to it happening whenever!! Especially if you think you need it to happen by accident ;) I promise, you won't regret it. And you know I'm always here if you ever need to vent or just talk out your thoughts - we all have em!! xoxo

jessica renee said...

And PS you know for damn sure that those combo babies of y'alls are gonna be the cutest things EVER!!! ;)

Dani @ OKDani.com said...

I think Pegster took my thoughts exactly.

You're going to be such an amazing mommy.

Screw the clock though girl. Do it on your time.

toi said...

i totally agree with Pegster too.

I was in your same shows four years after we got married. while my sister in law was insisting about giving birth, i was hiding behind tasks - thus getting my degree before baby.

but when the time came, i wasn't 100% ready thus my blog to get myself prepared and all. then your heart will just know when you are mentally ready. don't think about any clock because everything will be fine in God's name

kurlylicious said...

I am right there with you! We got married the same year, but in 4 months it will be 4 years for me. What I don't have on my side is a lot of time, as I just made 40 last month. I'm already cringing at the talk my GYN is going to give me at my next visit. She has been letting me know my clock is ticking even before we got married! But I'm not ready! And I won't force it! Best wishes to you!

LWLH said...

Oh girl, you and me can talk all day about this. Though we are actually trying, it still scares me that it may happen and holy crap, I seriously have to raise someone else. It's a scary feeling.

Franziska said...

I know I'm a little late on this BUT I was just thinking about all of that this weekend. I'm not married but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years so the future is on my mind. I spent 20 hours this weekend babysitting an 8 month old and it was exhausting. I'm too selfish to do that all the time (for free!). Maybe it's so different when they are your own children, but I can't imagine having a baby right now. When the time is right you'll know. Don't feel pressured!

Farmer's Wife said...

I know how you feel. It is scary to be a parent. Shortly after I gave birth I remember feeling scared for my daughter. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for her and what scared me the most was that life is not perfect. So I went to God in prayer and asked Him to take over. I do that everyday now and I feel so much peace. It's tough work but God made us tougher.
Oh and by the way, He made the clock too. He can always slow it down or reset it :) In His time He makes all things beautiful.

Nic A said...

I hear ya! I don't think anyone is ever ready...