Due to the abnormal weather I spent a lot of time indoors only going out when I had to. I made so many new recipes (Sean loved this!) because it was something to do besides apply for jobs which I'm still looking for ...
Now that it's finally getting warmer I'm going to motivate myself to get out. I still feel like I'm new to the area, that I'm a tourist. I moved to PA last September and spent several weekends going back and forth to NY. When things finally settled winter was upon us and I became quite the hermit.
I've decided that I'll drive around (I still have no idea about streets here) and get lost until I want to go home and then ask for Siri's directional skills, take pictures and try to make myself love where I am right now because we're not going anywhere.
It really hasn't been an easy transition.
I miss my friend's face. I miss our house. I miss my old job. I miss our old town. I miss my old routine so much.
I know there's a time for everything. That things won't always go as we want or as we planned. I know that He has a plan and is fulfilling that plan but I won't lie and say that I haven't had deep conversations with Him asking what the hold up is. I told Him I don't want to feel like I'm at a standstill in life. That I'm 31 years old and I'm starting all over again. That by this time I thought I would be in a completely different state of life and mind.
I'm different. I've changed. I feel it. And I really just want to feel like me again.
But in all that, I know that His time is the best time. So I'll continue to pray and ask for guidance, patience and peace of mind, and trust that during this time a lot of growth and change is happening within me, and that I just have to put on my seatbelt and go along for the ride.
Because to be honest it could be a lot more bumpy.
And then I begin to feel guilty for feeling this way and I mask it with a smile. Because I know I'm fortunate and that my worries are so small. And that someone would switch places with me in a heartbeat. And so I take a moment to scream it out, compose myself to go back and apply to new jobs and tell myself that if this is the worst time of my life I had better count my blessings.