I'm Going Natural

This does NOT mean I won't shave my legs or armpits again. Or that I will walk outside without wearing deodorant. Or that I will shower without soap. Gross.
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It was 8 weeks after my last perm and I stared into the mirror at my new growth. It was time for a relaxer but instead of reaching right away for the creamy crack, this time around I became curious. Curious about the new growth that I have been hiding for so many years.


I first relaxed my hair at 12 years old. It was done regardless of my mom's objection. See. My mom has never relaxed her hair. We refer to her hair as Virgin Hair. I wish I had listened to my mom.


Not that relaxing my hair ruined my hair because it didn't or hasn't. I wish I had listened to my mom because I am 28 years young and I have NO idea how to take care of my natural hair texture.


How can that be? How can this feeling of absolute dread be taking over me? It's because I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what works for my natural hair and I am petrified of making mistakes. I am scared of spending tons of money to try out products to find out what will work on my hair.


It would be so much easier to reach for the creamy crack and perm my hair because I know what works for me. With my natural hair, I am a stranger in a foreign land. I don't know the language and that freaks me out.


It has been 5+ months since my last perm and I would like to say it has been freeing. It hasn't. I am scared. I want to chop off all my relaxed ends but I think that would be drastic and the next day I know for certain I would freak out.


I will trim my relaxed ends little by little until none of it remains and all that remains is my natural hair. It's a big journey for me and I figured I would share pictures of me relaxed in the last few years, as an ode to the old me.











My natural hair might be like this:


like this:


like this:


or completely not like any of the pictures above.

I just hope I embrace whatever it may be and never change my mind, no matter how difficult it might become.

Lucky for me, the hubs is so excited for this change that it is rubbing into me just a little more each day.

{images via}