Update.

Last year, around this time I was just getting back into the swing of things. I was back to work, able to walk and exercise and getting my strength back. Best of all, I was off narcotics! I was still on blood thinners but at least not on narcotics. My left leg was still pretty weak and if I sat down for more than an hour, when I got up I limped for about five minutes before my stride returned to normal.

How am I now?

I am off the blood thinners! The filter that was placed in my chest has been removed. For the most part, I am back to who I was before my complications last year. My left leg is not the same, not sure that it ever will be. It still swells and I need to wear compression stockings for the rest of my life. Although, I’ve learned that if I’m going to be moving for most of the day, I can go without (hallelujah!). At work, I have to wear it since I work a desk job and sit for most of the day. If I don’t wear it at work my leg swells considerably and I'm uncomfortable the entire day. And well, it's just not worth it not to.

I use to say that my legs (and boobs) were my best asset. Well, when your leg swells to three times the size of your normal leg size it leaves stretch marks, cellulite and well, let’s just say that my right leg looks much better now, ha. I’m trying not to let it get to me so much because I’m usually not too much of a vain person but it’s hard for me not to notice since I loved my legs and enjoy(ed) wearing shorts, dresses, etc. One way I’m doing that is just by wearing what I love. Life is too short to be worried about something like this. Yes, my left leg swells. Yes, it is not what it use to be. But I have my leg, a leg that I could have lost; so perspective is keeping me leveled on days that I'm really hard on myself.

My stomach has a very visible 10 inch scar but the inside of it has not felt better. I don't get the awful cramps I use to get and I hardly feel bloated; I use to feel bloated all the time. I'll take the scar over the discomfort I use to feel on the regular.

Sean and I have been talking about our futures and what we want with our life. We have lots of plans! We are even talking about adoption. Just talking. We’ve always wanted kids and if I’m to be honest, in college I use to tell my girlfriends that I was going to have the United Nation of kids and they would ask, how? And I would reply, I’m going to adopt the world. I was half joking. There’s a lot of research we have to do and it is not something that happens quickly so I was hesitant to even bring it up on here just in case things don’t pan out. But it’s where we are right now and if things change in the future, that’s OK. Things change. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that things change and we just have to move with them. We have no choice, really.

So, I’m in good health. I have good days & bad days. Some days my eyes well up with tears when I think that I’m not even sad. It’s a strange thing. I’m learning a lot about myself. I’m coping with sadness, grief and loss but I also am so grateful to be here; living.